Why a retreat is not a tour

# - Retreats are not a tour (EDITED)

Thu, Mar 06, 2025 12:20PM • 32:25

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Retreats, transformation, personal growth, wellness, self-discovery, immersion, connection, intentionality, travel, tours, facilitation, customization, networking, integration, life change.

SPEAKERS

Emma Lovell

Emma Lovell 00:00

Emma, do you want to live a life of freedom and adventure? Are you wanting more than the daily grind? Me too. Welcome to the Emma Lovell, show a place where we talk about living a life you love. Now I'm your host, Emma Lovell, and my number one value is freedom. I've spent the last 14 years running a business and traveling the world, and now I take my husband and toddler along for the adventure too. It's possible, and I know you can create a life doing what you truly love as well. This podcast will inspire, motivate and encourage you to go after your dreams, to create a life you love and to live it now, not wait for a time and or someday in the future, I'll be sharing episodes weekly about how I harmonize business travel and self care. I'll also bring on incredible guests to share their journeys, the wins, the challenges, and how they're creating a life they love. Let's jump in and get dreaming. This is a space for you to manifest a life you love. I would like to acknowledge and recognize Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the first peoples of this place, now known as Australia. I am grateful for the continuing care of the land, waterways and skies where I work, live, listen, learn and play from here on, you can bear country and from wherever you are listening, I pay my respects to the elders past and present. Hello and welcome to today's episode. I am talking about why retreats are not a tour, why retreats are not traveling tours, and this is an important distinction to make, especially when, if you're like me, hosting retreats overseas. So I'm hosting retreats in India, Sri Lanka, Nepal. It's, it's really important that you distinguish why somebody's coming on a retreat. And yes, they might be lured and excited in by the by the destination, but that when somebody is going on a retreat experience, and the retreat experience that you creating is not about just seeing a destination, if they want to do that, then by all means, book a holiday or book a tour. There are fabulous companies out there who do tours. Even the way that I have run my India, Sri Lanka and now upcoming Nepal trip is that I partner with a travel company called Indus bound. We have been working together for eight years now. And what I do is I help people from Australia and other places in the world, but I'm in Australia and the Australian representative to plan trips travels in the South Asia region, so the Indus region. And so if, by all means, if you want to go on a bespoke luxury tour, you can have your private vehicles, you can have your own private guide. You can have group up to 12 fabulous we can do that, but you're better off doing that than going on a retreat, because retreats are about transformation. And by all means, I think travel is transformative, by nature, and I've had some amazing, transformative experiences. But when I'm going into a retreat, I'm going there to to have a transformation. I'm going there very intentionally. And as a retreat host, I think that you're very intentional about you need to be very intentional about what you're creating. So I want to run through some points today about why, just to make that distinction. So if you are planning a retreat overseas or even domestically, why it's important that you clarify, make it very clear in your communications and your marketing, and then in any inquiry, why sometimes this might not be the right fit for some people. And then you know why? Perhaps they're probably more inclined to go on a tour, because you really want people there for the right reason, to create the right energy in the right space for everyone and make it a lot easier for you as well. So my background, you know, for this is, is I have been traveling since I was two, but since as an adult, I've been traveling since I was 18. A lot of my traveler did solo or like to visit people self organized. I have worked on events. So I was working for a Australian Association that worked in the freight industry, and the industry body would go to these Asia Pacific conferences. So I was helping on these, on the event for that. So that is organized program. And then there was sometimes a travel element in as part of that. So that's because I'm my organization and people management. And then I started, I went on a charity challenge in 2011 I trekked to trek to Mount Kilimanjaro, the tallest friends free standing mountain in the world. So that was part of an organized group. So charity challenges are where you raise money for charity and you take on. Challenge. I later ended up doing some work for that company. They were had so many inquiries, so they asked me to speak to people about actually, initially they asked me to speak to people who were signed up about how to prepare for such a challenge. And then they asked me to help with inquiries. And then I ended up being a tour leader for them as well. So going to places like Cambodia, cycling, Cambodia and Vietnam cycle, Vietnam cycling, trekking in Vietnam too, trekking to Everest base camp with a group of 18 people. And I've also gone on some more adventures, solo or not solo. I went by myself, but participated trekking in Peru to Machu, Picchu and trekking Kokoda chat like the Kokoda trail in Papua, New Guinea so I've done I've been both a participant as well as the leader on these tours as as well as also working in the office and helping people prepare to train, pack, fundraise, to go on these travels. So feel like I've covered a lot of the angles, and then in 2017 I started partnering with Indus bound, using my extensive knowledge of India. I've now been 15 times at the time I'd probably been eight, and helping people who want to travel to the Indus bound region to plan a beautiful itinerary and to be that representative for the company. So that's my background. And then in 2022 I started hosting retreats myself. So my first retreat was on the Gold Coast in Australia. My second retreat was in kangaroo Valley. And then my third retreat, of course, was in India, as you do now, the I always say, with retreats, the location does a lot of the heavy lifting for you. But one of the things I'll point out, though, is when you're going for a retreat or a conference or an event, you're going for the thing, and that should be the priority. Of course, you want to have it in a lovely location. You want to have wonderful things on offer. But I remember we were trying to organize like a peer led retreat a few years ago, and we were trying to pick a destination, and some of the people who were going was saying, Oh, but that place is a bit further out, it's a bit more remote. And it's like, yes, it's got everything it needs. Got the food, it's got the accommodation, it's got beautiful surroundings, like nature and all these things, and we can come together there. And they said, Oh, but what if people want to go shopping? And my response was, and my response to a retreat, the same would be, if people want to go shopping, that's something you do on a holiday, or that's something you do on a trip, or if you want to do that, by all means, do a pleasure experience, and that is to go a day either side, or a couple of days either side, to be in that region, and to explore and do your own thing and then participate in the event. But you know, if you're going to a work conference, you're like, oh, excuse me, I just want to go shopping. I don't want to come to this session. Like, No, you go and you do the work, and you're in a beautiful place. And then if you want to do that, you stay on for another day or two. So I sort of was like, I don't think that should be a factor in choosing our destination that people want to shop. So it's like a nice to have. It's a bonus. But it's something that came up on a couple of my retreats too, is that we have free time. And so in India and in Sri Lanka, there's free time. And so I say that free time you can do whatever you please. You know, rest at the hotel, get a massage, go for a swim, go to gym, whatever. Just use that time to do whatever you need to do. And sometimes the people have used that time to go shopping. And then, especially in those places, they're quite intense. And of course, you want to go experience the local culture. But then if you're spending all your spare time out doing interactive things, and that takes energy, it can be quite frenetic. And also, you know, just it takes energy then you're coming back and you don't feel rested, or you might be flustered if you sort of go out and then come back a bit late, or something like that. So being mindful, it's like, yes, you want to make the most of your time there, and you want to do that, and we've always included some time for that, but making sure that you're using your rest time appropriately. So my first retreat on the Gold Coast, actually, we were very near to places, and I realized that my second retreat, I didn't want, I wanted to be more remote. I didn't really, yes, I want people to, if they really want to go for a drive and find a cafe or something like that, but I like to make it that, especially with my most recent one in kangaroo Valley. It's like you have everything you need at the property. We have all the food we need. We have beautiful catering, we have swimming, we have wellness space, we have a yoga we have there's lots. It's all the things you need, and it's two or three days, so just be here, you know. So that's something I try to encourage, whereas when we were on the Gold Coast, it was just a bit too easy to, like, yeah, pop over to the shops or try to meet a friend, or the resort itself was so big that it wasn't that, like, communal coming together. And I think that's something that's really important. Not a retreat is coming together. But I just want to make those few points. But I do have some points. I really want to share with you about why the difference between a retreat and tour. So a retreat, retreats are designed, as I said, initially with clear intention. So they they might be for relaxation or personal growth or wellness creativity, but always, retreats have an element of transformation, and you, the host has generally been very intentional, and should be very intentional with what they're trying to achieve with that retreat and what the possible outcome might be. Now, you can't define each person's outcome they're going to take away what they're going to take away, but you do have an intention for what you would like them to see, or how you might like them to transform my rest and receive retreats were, when you rest, you will receive opportunities. So if you allow rest, you make time and space, then opportunities can come and you can see the opportunities. You can know what you want, so getting clear on your intention, whereas a tour, it's more focused on sightseeing and entertainment, it's about possibly ticking off bucket list destinations. But you know, it's about experiencing a place. It's not necessarily about going through a transformation. So retreats offer that depth and meaning beyond just travel. So you get the travel, but you also get that shift. A retreat is also the difference between a retreat and a tour is the inner and inner experience versus the external exploration. So a retreat is really an internal journey. Although you're in a beautiful place, maybe in a different place, it's about the internal journey as much as what you're seeing in and around you. So about self discovery, about learning about rejuvenation, restore, like restoration really coming back to yourself, but a tour emphasizes that you're exploring the world. You're seeing tractions, you're seeing landmarks, you're seeing the culture or interacting with the culture. So you might have some personal shifts, but it's not the focus is on what you're seeing, and doing a retreat differs from a tour in that there's immersion and connection. So a retreat is about creating experiences. So creating immersive and deep experiences. That's what why I really focus on places that have communal areas, or have a place where we can come together. It's very important for the retreats that I host, because you want the participants to be able to connect with themselves, but also with others in a supportive and very intentional environment. It's you will learn as much from the other people in this space that you create, which you want to create a safe space. It's up to people to decide whether that is safe or not, but you create that, you allow that space, and that's where the transformation can happen in and through those connections. Whereas tours, they're definitely social, and I think they're great for people who are going solo and don't have someone to travel with, but they they're more often surface level engagements. Some people do get a really great connection and really connect with someone on the tour. But you often hear about people like they're like, Oh, the people were fine, and we got on, okay. But you know, you're you're there for more, you're there for the location and the destinations, and so you're more about seeing them. And then if you happen to make a connection, that's great. So retreats do focus on the network and the connection and that shared experience. Retreats tend to have a slow, intentional pace, whereas tours are itinerary driven. And again, that comes back to my point about how you use your time. I really encourage people to when they're designing retreats to factor in a lot of space and time for people to rest, to reflect, to connect, and so that's what they're designed for, for rest, for reflection, for spaciousness and allowing people to slow down. So then you don't want to make a retreat like a tour by packing in your schedule and focusing on seeing and doing things like we there's no way I'm taking people to Sri Lanka, India, not doing stuff. But if you're constantly on the move, going from one place to the other, you're constantly going out and doing activities, then there's no time for reflection or introspection, and there's no time for connection. I mean, the bus rides are great. I do love a bus ride and a car ride, and we even had a train ride in Sri Lanka, where people can spend time, and even a boat ride. Actually, in India, we've spent the night on a boat where people can connect. But, you know, we had a issue on the house boat in India because I was it was so interesting and new, and I'm trying to run a workshop. But everyone's like, Oh my gosh, there's a cow by the by the water. Oh my gosh, there's a purple house. Look over there. And I'm like, can I just get you to focus for 90 minutes? And I was like, Look, this is on me. I brought you to an amazing house boat. We're cruising down this lake, downs River, the back waters of India, of course. Or not focused. So you know, as much as you want to take people into these beautiful destinations, you also want to do the work. And so funnily enough, we'll have these amazing, visually incredible like hotels with fabulous views. And actually, I've now decided that having a meeting room or having, you know, almost like a darker space to do that work is better doing it inside without the distraction, and then go and enjoy and do your reflection and do your soaking all that stuff in outside. So, yeah, slow, intentional for retreats, versus packing in as much as you can in a short time with a tour. I mean, not all tour is the same. You might have a slower paced tour, but you're still the goal is to see stuff facilitation versus guiding. So retreats are led by a facilitator, a coach or an expert, and then you know, our role is to guide participants through the experience. So whether that is wellness activities like yoga and meditation or through creative workshops and business masterminds or or even a one to one coaching session. You're a guide. You're guiding them and facilitating them through the experience. You're working with them. So as opposed to, sorry, a guided tour, where the tour is led by a guide, and the guide is showing them things. They provide information. They're showing you here, they're showing you there. They don't facilitate your transformation. They don't workshop or work with you on things. They merely show you. So the retreat is different in that you're being taken through the experience, and you're looking for a change. You're looking for an outcome. You're looking for a transformation. The tour guide is not trying to change your life by showing you the monument. It might, but that's not their goal. So, and I think I have been on retreats where I think the facilitation hasn't quite been there. It's very important to not only facilitate in terms of delivering a workshop, but it's also important to facilitate in terms of interaction, and I'm very happy to step in and be more of a facilitator and to direct. If things are getting going away, that's like not healthy, or I can see that somebody's struggling, that's your role as facilitator to help that I've been on tours and even challenges where I have seen that the guide or the leader has not stepped in. And it's that sort of thing, like a rotten one rotten egg can spoil the batch, like or one rotten apple can spoil the bundle. I don't know there's an analogy there, but you have to deal with that. And if somebody is rocking the boat, I will always be happy to upset that one person, or deal with that one person, or workshop with that one person, and nip that in the bud, then to let everything kind of get out of hand and to spoil it for everyone else. So that's your job as the host and as the facilitator. You really need to be in that leadership role and be willing to do that. The other thing with the retreat, we're looking at personal growth and transformation. That's the goal. We're looking for a lasting impact. We're trying to reset, recharge and take give somebody something meaningful, like you can retreats can transform lives. They can change lives. I've had people have life changing experiences. One of my attendees at my kangaroo Valley retreat, oh, sorry, northern New South Wales rest and receive retreat in August, July, 2024, I'm getting all my dates mixed up. She said that she warning. There should be a trigger warning or a warning on your retreats will change your life. She on that retreat, had set an intention of employing someone new. She literally received a message from someone, and basically hired that person while on the retreat, she hired another person when she came back, she'd been looking for a house for two years. She found one two months later, and she's now going through a rebranding exercise and stepping into her power as the leader, and separating the business brand from her personal self and brand. The transformation, the change in this woman in just six months, less than six months, has been incredible, and that is the gift of retreats, and I'm so honored to have worked with her. But tours, tours can be memorable and fun, but they don't necessarily create a long term change like definitely. Again, I've seen people go on trips. I've gone on trips. Had a change, but it's not the intention. They they're not there to change your mindset, habits or well being. They are there to be an experience. So you go on the tour, you enjoy it, you have a great time. Yay. Wonderful. Come home. The odd person will go and have some sort of a transformative experience through something they saw or someone they met. It's not the intention. So we're talking about intention here, and that's very important to come back and be clear on in terms of, again, the space retreats offer a contained and safe. Environment. Again, it's up to people to decide whether it's safe, but your goal is to create a safe environment so that people can explore their emotions, their mindset, focus on their wellness, without having outside distractions. That's like I said about you know, it's so wonderful to go on the boat, but I shouldn't have really been running the workshop out there, because they were not really able to tap into themselves. We did still have some moments once, but it took a bit more to get grounded. And, you know, on my Sri Lanka retreat, we went to do a session, and I'd asked the company, and I'd ask the hotel to give me a space, and I was really, really frustrated, because they were like, Oh, here's the bar area, but it was like a thoroughfare. It was like a public area, like there were other people just sitting. People just sitting there. And I was like, these women might break down and cry, because that happens in a good way, in a releasing way. I need them to feel comfortable and not feel distracted that someone's looking at them. And then so they gave us this other area, and it was, oh my god. It was like underneath the building. And this building was incredible. It was built into a rock, but the room was like, mildewy, and like, hadn't been aired out. And it was like, like a cave almost, but it was really funky smelling, and it was like, ah, and it was getting later, and also getting so frustrated. And I get I got irritated, which I apologize for, but I was kind of frustrated because I had really been clear. I thought I'd been really clear with the company and the hotel about what I needed. We were almost going to go to my room to do it, which is totally fine. I host retreat training days. I've hosted them in hotel rooms because it's a safe, intimate space. You've got beautiful lighting. People can lie down or sit on the floor or sit on the you know, got chairs to sit on. You just need that sort of safe space. So anyway, we ended up finding an area with couches and a table, and another day we found another table and a really quiet area where we could just have that intimacy that we needed. So making sure your venue or location has some intimate spaces where people can do that work without outside distraction. And that's why sometimes you do see retreats in more remote places, because that's what you need. It's different to a conference or an event where, yeah, you're trying to see lots of, you know, want the great swimming pools and the restaurants and the sort of showiness of it. You know, that's why cabins and things like that are often associated with retreats or a big house where you can all come together, but also have space. So yeah, a tour has its it's more about adventure. It's about new experiences and discovery, and it's exciting, but it's not so reflective or restorative. And again, that pace and that movement, you're really about seeing new things and having new experiences, not tapping into yourself and going inward. Um, the difference, as well with retreats is we've got retreats are tailored, so customization, they're customized for specific groups. So like we said, There's you have a wellness retreat, you can have a business retreat, creative workshop. You're really going for a focus. So, like, I'm having an author's retreat soon. So we're attracting right aspiration, aspirational authors, so people who want to write or have written books and non fiction books, we're being very specific. You might have a podcasters retreat, you might have a yoga retreat. You might have a retreat for breast cancer survivors or stroke survivors, which I'm talking to one of my clients about. You might have one for healing, and it might be like with horses and nature, like, really you want to, you want to attract a certain type, and they are quite personalized and quite specific, so that people really are like, Oh, that's for me. That's not for me. My new my retreat now is called the one overseas, is the pleasure life retreat. So I'm really trying to attract people who want to go to somewhere a bit more adventurous, take a bit of a bigger leap in their life, do something pushing themselves a bit out of their comfort zone, but also to really want to have find that harmony between work and life, to combine the business and leisure, to make the most of their time and to live this life they love. And that's I've been very intentional about that. So that's where retreats differ from a tour, which is kind of like we're going to these places, anyone can come, and you can have people age 18 to 80, the charity challenges I used to do like I loved that I had really, I had a cycling group with somebody age 18 and somebody aged 81 which is amazing. And we were there for a shared common purpose. But people came from all different walks of life, and there's a great melting pot and wonderfulness in that, but, and the shared purpose was fantastic, so that really helped, and that was kind of took it to a different level. So, like, I've had these experiences of the shared purpose and the intention, but then, you know, sometimes if they didn't have that stronger connection to the charity, then there was sometimes some fraction through the group, because everyone was so different. And they weren't as clear on the purpose. And then, you know, if you just go on an intrepid tour, or gap adventures, whatever, because you want to go and see Nepal and do some trekking, you the only reason, the thing you have in common is that you want to go to Nepal and do some trekking. So that's the difference. Retreat is very intentional and very personalized and very having about having something shared, a few, a number of things in common. Difference between retreat and a tour from a personal I guess outcome is that retreats foster true, authentic relationships. You're sharing that transformational journey together like it is really life changing. And again, that's where those charity challenges did differ and had that element. Because you are going it is going to, they are life changing in that you have worked together on something, and retreats are going to have that same experience. So I always say to people like, connection and relationship is such a great outcome of going to retreat there. I say to that, you know, potentially the best thing you're going to get out of this retreat is the person you meet, like the other people you meet, not me that you're not going for the host. I don't think you should be going for the host. I went on a retreat, and I feel like it was a bit more about the host, and that's fine to get to spend time with your men. You can go with the intention of spending time with your mentor, but if that's the only thing you're going for, you might end up being disappointed by Emma time, and if it's about more about them than about the group so but yeah, like I went on the beautiful rose farm retreat, I got to spend time with my mentor, Denise duffel Thomas. She was incredible. It was lovely to spend time with her. We've since become friends, and I feel so grateful for that, but I also have connected deeply with the other women, and we are still have a group. 18 months later, they were there when I set the goal for writing my book. They've cheered me on ever since. They knew there were things that we've had, little wins and big wins each of us, and because we shared that together, we know what that means and what that shift has meant. So I'm so grateful for them. And yeah, I thought I was going for the host and to experience the fabulous rose farm destination, which is where I'm now hosting my the aspirational authors retreat with rest and receive but I got so much more than that, so I really put an emphasis on the networking, relationship building and connections that retreats offer tours, just by nature, are more transient. So you're going to meet people, but the connection isn't so deep and lasting, like typically you might get the one different person, the one special person, but generally it is a bit more great. We had this experience. We saw wonderful things. Okay, see you next time. Oh, I won't see you never again. And finally, retreats really offer are about integrating. So they're about not only what you've experienced and learned, but then how do you take that away and put into daily life, whether it's through mindfulness or self care practices or even getting that new business perspective, it's about great. Here's what I've learned, here's what I've realized. Here's the shift. How do I now integrate that? And so it's why I say to people, you will have a transformation, but sometimes that transformation will take time, and it's only like in six months. Usually it's around the six month mark where you will have been able to integrate those changes, and you'll see, kind of the fruits of your labor and see the outcomes. So when like, you will definitely receive a wonderful experience on a retreat, but you may not get the AHA or the true value of it for a little while longer. So it really is an investment in yourself, and it is about that integration and to who you're becoming. Tours as again, more about the experience in the moment. So having a great time. You're loving it. You might get a few lessons, but you're not necessarily there to, like, get have those life lessons that you're gonna take home. You're like, yay. Great time. Had a great trip. Feel Great. Thank you very much. I hope that has helped for people, especially when you want to run an overseas retreat. But I mean, in anything that the destination is really quite important to a retreat, because it's going to facilitate how the group comes together. It's going to facilitate the transformation. And in some ways, you know, that's why I love doing the overseas ones, because they do a lot of the heavy lifting by going to a place like India, Sri Lanka, Nepal, somewhere like, quite foreign to where you are, and taking people outside of their known elements and circumstances, you're, by nature, going to have a shift, like, it's just going to shock you out of your day to day. So the transformation can kind of happen a bit sooner, but anytime that you can take people away from their day to day, put them into a beautiful surrounding, have them relax, then the work can begin. And maybe for some people, I know, for certainly, for some of my clients, being able to go an hour or two hours away and have that experience is is really powerful and really important, because maybe International is just not accessible. At this time, so horses for courses, different things, by all means, I am, no doubt I'll be on tours and trips in the future, but I just am very clear I am running retreats, rest and receive company. We run retreats. We host retreats. We host transformative, life changing retreats. We also teach hosts How to Host profitable and transformative retreats that are going to change lives, and they're going to change the host business, which is fantastic. So, yeah, I work from both sides. Obviously, you're here on the Emma Lovell show. I will be talking a lot less about retreats, but I really wanted to do this one. I thought was really important, as I've plugged a number of times upcoming retreats with us, the aspirational authors retreat, first the second to the fifth of April at the beautiful lawn rose farm, which is currently owned by Denise Lovell Thomas, who where I went and I planted the seed, literally for my book. And you can join us on that one, co hosted with Anna Featherston, expert author and author, mentor and advocate. And I've also got my pleasure life retreat in Nepal, which only has four spots left. So if you if you're keen for that change and that shift, I really encourage you to come and join me. I hope this has been helpful. If you do have any key takeaways or more questions, please do come and ask me. I always love to chat, learn more about me and connect with me at Emma lovell.at WWW dot Emma lovell.au And if you're really keen on the retreats or really interested in that side of the business, rest and receive.au and I've got two companies, so that's where you can find me. All right. Thank you love for listening, lovely and I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you for listening. Lovell one. I hope this has inspired you to dream big and start creating a life you love today. If you love what you're hearing, don't forget to follow and rate on Spotify and rate review and subscribe on iTunes. It helps other awesome people to find this podcast and get motivated and inspired as well. Want to stay connected. Come and join the live a life you love. Group on Facebook or connect with me on Instagram. Emma lovell.au the same as my website, but all the details are in the show notes. Lovely. I'll see you next episode for more inspiration, motivation and freedom, seeking. Now go out there and live a life you love. And.