I'm scared - and how I'm working with it

00:00:01: Do you want to live a life of freedom and adventure?

00:00:03: Are you wanting more than the daily crowd?

00:00:06: Me too!

00:00:07: Welcome to The Emma Lovell Show, A place where we talk about living a life that you love now.

00:00:12: I'm your host, Emma Lovella And my number one value is Freedom.

00:00:18: I've said the last word for you is run your business and start this podcast with us.

00:00:55: Let's jump in & get dreaming.

00:00:57: This Is a space For YOU To Manifest A Life You Love.

00:01:02: I would like to acknowledge and recognise Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the first people of this place, now known as Australia.

00:01:31: So this podcast episode is called I've Been Scared and...I have, lately i've been a bit of a scaredy cat.

00:01:39: And this is not how anybody sees me right?

00:01:43: Um..and you know there's the feel to fear and do it anyway.

00:01:48: um or that fear is a similar emotion or feeling like excitement.

00:01:56: but I think for me its scared and it's come up in a few different ways.

00:02:04: And I know there is way to reframe, but just wanna let you that first the thing.

00:02:08: so if your out there feeling scared right now its not...I'm not scared of the world i am not scared.

00:02:13: what going on.

00:02:15: Im scared off asking.

00:02:22: I'm scared of?

00:02:22: no!

00:02:24: Is what im scared of?

00:02:25: Im scared of being told?

00:02:26: No!

00:02:30: It made me scared of asking and it's maybe in a way scared to dream, or like clinging to my dreams because if the thing I want do doesn't work out which is ultimately no.

00:02:46: It's a no from what i wanna do.

00:02:50: that's like my biggest fear really my biggest fears lack of freedom and lack choice.

00:02:57: so irony as im not even giving myself to have choice by not even being open to possibilities.

00:03:06: I think what some of it has come from is feeling a little bit... So if we change the wording, From scared To hurt To wounded To A little bit Tender.

00:03:26: And you know something i've talked with my psychologist about quite just brought up.

00:03:30: I don't know if she's brought up a few times or it just comes back to me, but it is that Brené Brown quote about being in the arena.

00:03:38: And because i am an entrepreneur and create a lot of things like write books get on stages share online create a podcast put myself out there a lot.

00:03:51: so sometimes when you go into the arena at time they have resilience.

00:04:00: But when it kind of happens over and over, again.

00:04:05: And look to be honest It kinda came up in With the book journey I've recently been on for my cousin's book and...it was..I feel like i came up against more barriers than I had anticipated and brought a lot more Nose or....i don't know just made me really tender.

00:04:28: I Feel Like Had To Go Into Battle quite a lot.

00:04:31: For the book I had to go and battle for my son last year with some childcare stuff, i've talked about that on the podcast.

00:04:41: even in family relationships there's a lot of battling standing up trying to push and force.

00:04:54: But even though potentially I haven't been told no, it's that obviously rejection.

00:05:05: And this...I'm scared of rejection!

00:05:08: Um.. I've generally had a very warm audience A very warm world, a very loving world and that hasn't changed at all.

00:05:18: People who love me work with me.

00:05:20: but um Or just in my own world for the fear That i might maybe come across someone Who isn't Maybe that's it.

00:05:30: And so a couple weeks ago, I was talking to someone and look um i think It's going for a lot of people but you know business has been slower for me.

00:05:38: full disclosure Um Things like I haven't had-I don't have as many engagements going on which is not a comfortable place For me just didn't even though its fine.

00:05:49: Um Its not usually I'm creating creating creating or okay things are slow Let's go Go Go!

00:05:57: And Im trying To shift That But also trying to work in new ways and with new people.

00:06:01: And the only way you're gonna do that, when going into a different level or go to different places is by trying your things... ...and putting yourself out there and

00:06:11: asking."

00:06:12: So I had few conversations the other week.

00:06:14: it was like kind of.

00:06:17: their response i got was like we've got two!

00:06:20: It would be call people talk to people reach out to people literally get told to door knock which made me feel really I was like, I feel scared hearing you say that.

00:06:36: Like how does that make you feel if i said to go and doorknock for business?

00:06:43: But yet I would tell you like send in, put it out there.

00:06:46: Like don't...I know you can just rely and this is so much noise online.

00:06:49: You can't just rely on your newsletter And social media and just-you have to directly speak to people.

00:06:54: It's always the thing that they say Directly message people especially with a retreat.

00:06:58: Tell people its own Directly messaged them.

00:07:01: Uh but when i was told it To me i was like nooo I didn't want to and certainly don't wanna go knock at someone's door And i did not pick up my phone was ironically retreating.

00:07:15: I run a retreat business, i do have my retreats and it's like retreating but really scared by the idea And had multiple conversations But in the same conversation there were people who would also go.

00:07:28: maybe you'll send me to rest?

00:07:30: It wasn't that like yeah...I think my heart is just a little bit tender.

00:07:37: That why can't ask this question or put out there?

00:07:40: So I cant approach people Like, and it's so... I'm sure you don't see me as this.

00:07:46: I am sure your seeing is confident.

00:07:47: Bold!

00:07:48: Like bold is a word like something we use about me or brave?

00:07:53: And oh that makes people cry.

00:07:55: My dad tells me I'm brave and courageous for running a business like these because It does take some bravery and courage to back yourself all the time.

00:08:07: So then yeah there are times where You're a little bit wounded in Your heart hurts A Little Bit Because we do put a heart into our work and give so much.

00:08:16: So to then go to ask out there too, like potentially have your hearts stomp on it's not.

00:08:22: This is like will lot of what I've done.

00:08:23: It was like business energetic.

00:08:24: It's like they're not saying no to you the same note in the business offer or this ain't know how don't want to do that thing.

00:08:33: But you know my name is on the door.

00:08:36: my face isn't the thing my business could ever love all.

00:08:39: and ultimately It's not like they're saying no to my assistant, or know the accountant.

00:08:44: They say No To Me!

00:08:46: So there is only like...to hear that a lot and NOT THAT.

00:08:50: I've been hearing it.

00:08:51: It just be the idea of hearing it.

00:08:54: And its in this really interesting thing to observe myself.

00:08:58: so You know i'm asking you have look into see where are you scared?

00:09:03: What do your scared off?

00:09:04: And im certainly not telling you just feel fear.

00:09:07: anyway.

00:09:07: whats the fear?

00:09:09: It's something excitement appearing real.

00:09:14: No, false energy appearing real or something like that?

00:09:18: False emotion appearing real.

00:09:20: I don't know.

00:09:20: fear has another acronym for like something like That.

00:09:23: but also they say like Fear is the same motivation Or driver as Excitement.

00:09:31: So a lot of like Olympians and sports people turn their fear feeling into oh this was excitement.

00:09:36: Like i'm excited to race.

00:09:38: They're not scared of racing they're excited to do the race.

00:09:42: But you know, sometimes like doing all this mental work on mindset work it's challenging and sometimes we just tired.

00:09:50: but so if your feeling scared or just feels too much right now.

00:09:57: potentially its a... okay!

00:10:00: Just have a rest.

00:10:01: So my body decided take over the wheel And made me have cold.

00:10:06: I'm recovering from that.

00:10:09: I was like, you know and i literally said it would be easier to take a rest if i had a cold.

00:10:13: Thanks universe for that reminder.

00:10:14: so self care one-to-one.

00:10:16: we shouldn't need to get sick in order to take arrest...I felt like i'm going slower but obviously the universe is like no let's make sure you really get the message.

00:10:24: So have been having a rest.

00:10:26: And then what has been coming up?

00:10:29: after being told To call people?

00:10:31: To reach out to people?To Be Direct?

00:10:34: Was?

00:10:34: Then I've got reminded of the hundred no's.

00:10:38: And then last night, i saw a reel.

00:10:40: it was a thousand noses and i said oh gosh i'm really going to do this.

00:10:43: so actually have a book.

00:10:44: my wonderful friend Tash Corbin gave me his goal settings.

00:10:47: look at its full progress art and it's largely for uh since a progress art coloring book.

00:10:53: you can get that on her website at tashcorbin dot com forward slash.

00:10:57: let's get it right.

00:10:59: um tash corbin dot con forward slash pa course.

00:11:05: So it tells you a bit about progress art and how it is, and how works.

00:11:08: I wanted the coloring book which was very beautiful And she sent me two because She said i thought someone meaning my son Finn might like their own copy of The Book too as Mama Is such an epic role model Which again made me cry But predominantly used for income goals.

00:11:24: but the way we're using It For Finn he's really inspired Me.

00:11:27: He's Like...I want to do three different things.

00:11:30: you could do it for brushing your teeth, we can do it to practice letter writing.

00:11:37: We can pick three different pages and work on three goals at once.

00:11:40: He's like no I want one goal because he is a Capricorn!

00:11:44: One thing stop trying make me do it okay every day in the three days.

00:11:49: i'm like show another one cause you did really good with your writing.

00:11:54: so anyway maybe should listen again... So I have an income but also decided um my hundred no's.

00:12:02: So every time I get a no, i get to kalarina staff and the psychologist told me about this one too.

00:12:09: so it's like.

00:12:10: essentially the theory is if you're getting yeses all the time then write down but right down here.

00:12:17: who would?

00:12:17: what did they say no to?

00:12:19: Who said no?

00:12:19: What do they say No To?

00:12:20: And I say Every No Is Getting Me Closer To A Yes!

00:12:26: Edison tried the light bulb and it was like, nine hundred ninety-nine times in a thousandth time worked.

00:12:31: You can ask you know one hundred people... And they say no!

00:12:35: The hundred first says yes or the ninety ninth says yes.

00:12:39: but um if you're not trying.. If your always getting guesses then you are way too in your comfort zone.

00:12:48: so I got into the fear zone that i wasn't even asking at all.

00:12:52: But there is the comfort zone where we only go again to get an easy yes and I don't want that.

00:12:58: And also, it wanted too easy a no...I did put down two noses like to a networking event but i'm just starting!

00:13:06: So today have sent you know private message to potential client..and reached out another potential clients and we're having coffee next week.

00:13:15: so its potentially.

00:13:21: But It's Like.

00:13:22: The theory is the more nose you get,the more resilient.

00:13:25: You'll get to the nose but also like...you know this person's trying to do the nose and she probably asked five hundred-she was doing a thousand noses.

00:13:33: She really asked for like five hundred things But she got..she said about three hundred sixty noses But she probably got a hundred yes' that she would have gotten.

00:13:45: no yes if didn't ask at all.

00:13:47: So the Hundred Nos is the idea of getting the nose to build resilience.

00:13:52: push yourself to try and do something bigger.

00:13:55: And the other way that I've heard about this, when i'm doing it in a group that I mean Kate Mary where there's beautiful sharp school which predominantly focuses on LinkedIn but can be used for any platform.

00:14:05: um...and her thing is called Shoot Your Shot Wednesday!

00:14:10: And somebody else brought up like created an anima kenzie shared it on threads or something.

00:14:15: shoot your shot wednesdays.

00:14:17: every wednesday you reach out one person who It's just something, you wouldn't usually talk to this person.

00:14:23: You would not reach out.

00:14:25: so shoot your shot.

00:14:27: or three-three-three.

00:14:27: that is an affirmation number.

00:14:32: Just try.

00:14:33: So do a collaboration with Apple.

00:14:38: Reach them on Wednesday.

00:14:44: Go for it.

00:14:45: if there are clients who have been meaning to follow up Try it on Wednesday, shoot your shot Wednesday.

00:14:51: So only one.

00:14:52: we only have to do one.

00:14:53: I did a couple because you know i achieved but It was great.

00:14:56: and just what the message?

00:14:58: I kept getting was okay.

00:14:59: Have a little rest Heal my heart a little bit Remove some of the tenderness.

00:15:04: But also the way that I'm gonna remove that tenderness is by doing it.

00:15:09: And so I'm like hey I got a few no's.

00:15:11: I've got a couple of nos To this.

00:15:13: networking drinks and having people aren't gotta come.

00:15:15: Okay, I'm fine.

00:15:17: I didn't fall over I didn't collapse, you know?

00:15:20: Go into a bundle.

00:15:22: Um...I probably get told no quite a bit.

00:15:25: and yes just not aware of them.

00:15:27: so i do have at least an Yes list.

00:15:30: if only track the No's that might be negative for my headspace.

00:15:34: Im NOT tracking all the asks im putting out.

00:15:37: We DO have a Leads tracker.

00:15:38: So in business we are tracking the leads.

00:15:42: but um..i dont want to create too much work because I'll stop.

00:15:48: So just colour in, any time someone says no?

00:15:51: Great!

00:15:52: Colour it in...I ask and you say No okay um.

00:15:55: And then if i can as well put on my note On My Phone Because I've always got my phone.

00:16:00: so Note Uh No Um You know keeping a number No Who Said It?

00:16:07: What They Said?

00:16:08: No To Okay Then the guesses.

00:16:11: they said yes to this.

00:16:14: It led to this, so I still think...I'm probably a little bit scared.

00:16:22: And um and i wanted be honest with you about that how I am finding a way to nurture my tenderness give myself space around it but also not go into place.

00:16:36: where all becomes too much you go into a place of freeze.

00:16:44: So for me, in particular I know my personality type and I can overact or react and produce for fear of quietness but also get energy from momentum.

00:16:58: so i'm going to the networking event tomorrow again beautiful Kate Maryweather has gifted me her ticket at the Ripple Festival actually said that she wasn't going to go to conferences this year.

00:17:12: having conversations, being around people that's momentum and potentially practicing asking in person.

00:17:20: And just keep that momentum going start a little bit of momentum and yeah getting comfortable with the no so That's The Hundred Noes or The Thousand Noes.

00:17:31: Shoot Your Shot Wednesday!

00:17:34: And like a tiny tiny tiny bit of feeling the fear Or trying to understand what is the fear?

00:17:41: and it's okay to be a bit scared, to nurture your tenderness but don't let the fear become a freeze.

00:17:49: Find the way find the path to some gentle movement momentum so that you can begin again.

00:17:56: um I just want to send a lot of love out to you if you're feeling that because i think there's a lot Of Fear Out In The World.

00:18:05: Um And So We Can Really Absorb That Into Our Energy.

00:18:12: But yeah, as mine's coming from a really personal place and I don't understand that journey.

00:18:18: If you have seen yourself or heard yourself in this then big love to you And we can move through it.

00:18:26: That is just the message for today.

00:18:27: So...I'm a little scared but i am showing up And I'm trying so many things and i look forward to reporting back on my shoot, my shop Wednesdays.

00:18:38: And potentially end up doing an episode in the future about The Hundred Nose and how that experiment went.

00:18:42: A hundred noses...and a thousand yes's because you know..I am very cheap!

00:18:48: Alright thank-you for listening today.

00:18:51: Thank You For Listening Lovely One.

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00:19:08: you get motivated at their spot.

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00:19:13: Come join the group or connect with me on MLOvel.edu The same as my website but all details are in the showroom, it's lovely.

00:19:24: I'll see you next episode for more information about motivation and freedom seeking.

00:19:33: Welcome to today's podcast, the Emma Lovell Show and I'm talking about The Fact That I Have Been Scared.