When the plan changes with Tara Ladd

Ep #35 - Tara Ladd (EDITED)

Thu, Feb 01, 2024 12: 35PM • 55:13

Thu, Feb 01, 2024 12: SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Thu, Feb 01, 2024 12: people, business, love, life, tara, hospital, space, podcast, voice memo, hard, year, circumstances, happen, retreat, kids, motherhood, surgery, speak, liver, grief

00: 01

00: Do you want to live a life of freedom and adventure? Are you wanting more than the daily grind? Me too. Welcome to the Emma Lovell show, a place where we talk about living a life you love now, I'm your host, Emma Lovell, and my number one value is freedom. I've spent the last 14 years running a business and traveling the world. And now I take my husband and toddler along for the adventure to it's possible and I know you can create a life doing what you truly love as well. This podcast will inspire, motivate and encourage you to go after your dreams to create a life you love until you get now don't wait for a time and or someday in the future. I'll be sharing episodes weekly about how I harmonize business travel and self care. I'll also bring on incredible guests to share their journeys, wins the challenges and how they're creating a life they love. Let's jump in and get dreaming. This is a space for you to manifest a life you love.

01: 03

01: I would like to acknowledge and recognize Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the first peoples of this place now known as Australia. I am grateful for the continuing care of the land waterways and skies where I work live. Listen, learn and play. From here on you can bear country and from wherever you are listening, I pay my respects to the elders past and present.

01: 26

01: Welcome to the podcast today. I'm so excited to introduce you to Tara lead a visual brand strategist. Tara is someone who I'm basically sending reels and memes and ideas and things to on a daily basis. She has a brilliant mind and such creativity that I love tapping into but she's also become such a wonderful confidant and friend and business pal that I really rely upon. And I can't wait to for you to hear the journey that she's been on which is incredible the impact that it's had on her business and how she's coming through the other side. So Tara is the brains and divergent thinker behind your one and only. She's not just another visual brand strategist. She's the visual brand strategist who's taken brands from math to wow. And she's got the street cred of working with brands like Coca Cola, McDonald's and Telstra behind her. She's got 10 years in agency experience, as well as six years running her own show. And she's just a powerhouse. But she's not just making things pretty. She's crafting brands that get into your brain in a good way. And she's got an awesome podcast called brand and butter where she talks about all things design, psychology and brand. And yeah, I just can't wait for you to hear Tara and hear her story. It's so beautiful. And let me just jump in because it's too good. Please welcome Tara

02: 57

02: welcome to the podcast our lad.

03: 01

03: Thank you so much for having me. I am a long time coming. I say that a lot. But I feel like I'm gonna do on every podcast I've done, which is three. So we made it. We're here. Now it's been a hot, minute Hot Minute. Yeah.

03: 15

03: And even before we started recording, it was like, Are we even gonna get to it today? Because we spoke for like 40 minutes, basically just,

03: 21

03: you know, those memes and those reels where it's like, oh, you know, when someone sends you a voice memo when you need like half an hour to listen to it, or it's like their own personal TED Talk. That's me. Antara literally eight minute voice memos or a series five in a row of three minutes. And you're like, just let me get a cup of tea or I'm like, Oh, good. I'll go for a walk. So I can Tara's TED talk, and then have time to respond appropriately. I respond as we go, which is quite interesting to see. Like the whole tip text message thread, or at some kind of a could have been a phone call. Let's face it.

03: 58

03: Then we get on with it. The good thing about voice memos, though, is that you do get to like your piece. Whereas when you have a conversation, which is you know how conversations work, you kind of jump in on each other. So the voice memo is it's a good vent, I think. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. podcast is also a good. I think we basically just use it as our own personal venting platform, journal.

04: 22

04: It's a verbal journal. It's verbal diarrhea of my heart. Anyway, you do have a podcast as well, but let's just get a little you know, I've done an interview, but I like to hear from your words. How would you describe Tara lead? Tara Ladd is She's a visual brand strategist and a writing to behavioral insights at the moment so I'm I'm diving into big soccer for human behavior. But aside from that, I'm also a mom of two boys. I am a fitness enthusiast though that's taken a backseat recently.

04: 55

04: I love going out and meeting friends. I'm an ADHD

05: 00

05: which means that I can talk anyone's ear off about anything I'm interested in and be really uninterested in some conversations so much that I seem rude. Unfortunately, that's not the case. But I'm very, very passionate about, well, equality, especially in regards to, you know, women's rights, motherhood, and basically just helping, you know, to create a voice for those that don't have one.

05: 25

05: But yeah, that's pretty much me in a nutshell. Yeah. And she's just rad as well.

05: 33

05: Very, very cool chick. And we we met quite a while ago, but we didn't actually get to, like meet for maybe a year or two. It was ages putting inverted commas even though we're in a podcast. I was COVID Yeah, we met we met

05: 50

05: revisits as well. And then you even left fitness club after a year and I think it was because of you and our our lovely Robin leaving that we kind of wanted to have a group to stay in touch

06: 07

06: a little community and then I don't even know when the first time I met you, but like this is the surreal thing about online is in the power of, of the SS that

06: 18

06: you know. Yeah, I feel like I see you all the time. But we probably maybe like on, you know, two hands, we could count how many times you've actually hung out in person. Totally. Yep. It's like best friends on first thought it was great. The three best friends that anyway. Yeah, totally.

06: 36

06: Is the hangover right there. But look, you've been I mean, COVID was a curveball, for sure. But I really wanted to talk to you today about you know, you've got a rocking business, you create amazing content, you help businesses have these amazing brands, Tara actually helped me with my rebrand Emma Lovell, we've got work, we're still gonna she's always like, it's gonna be more. But even just getting like a color palette down. And some

07: 05

07: were just some guidance around. What Yeah, what I was trying to convey was huge. And and to get over to get over there. Just to get it out there. So anyway, but like, if you look at my what's going out there at the moment, that was huge, huge support from Tara, and more to come. And then two of my lovely clients have rebranded and it just looks incredible, let alone many of our other colleagues. So you do all that. And that's awesome. But you have had quite the journey, you know, and it's so easy to look at your Tara and to go like, Oh, she's got it all together and the business maybe rocking it and laughs cool. But as we both know, there's always a story behind that. So yeah.

07: 46

07: Let's jump to the nitty gritty. COVID was one thing, but you had a major family crisis that kind of threw a curveball in life. Yeah, so 2019 I was 32 years old. And I was like, Well, it's actually 2018 But I was ready to start a family. The business had been kicking for two and a bit years now it started to grow the team was really

08: 11

08: you know, it was really, you know, growing quite quickly and significantly more developing a really good reputation

08: 18

08: and super anal in the way that I organize everything I had everything crossed and dotted before I left to go Matt leave by

08: 28

08: Yep, perfect pregnancy, nothing, nothing went wrong. And in June or July sorry, 2019. I had my firstborn Ari who

08: 37

08: Ah, just happen to be born with a chronic liver disease called biliary atresia, which we didn't realize until you know, three weeks into

08: 48

08: him not gaining any weight and lactation consultants telling me I was doing things wrong and yeah, all of the you know, the big ups and downs of trying to figure out what's wrong with a newborn baby when so many things can go wrong and it turned out Yeah, he he was diagnosed with

09: 03

09: with this, which is basically a blockage of the bile ducts. So three and a half weeks we were sent I went to the doctors just to my midwife actually thought it was a because I had the midwife program I was there if someone came to my house for a couple of weeks after which was awesome. Thank God I had that because if I didn't have that support, who knows what would happen but yeah, so she suspected it might have been a UTI. Sometimes kids don't eat with the UTI went to the doctor and got them to just run some bloods just to make sure and she noticed a yellow ring around his belly and you know, wanted to get more bloods than what was suspected. You know, we went in for the the we sample and came out with a whole bloodwork and then the next day at lunchtime we were called up with the GP tell me to go to the IDI for an emergency pediatric review, which obviously is nothing that anyone with a new baby wants to hear. So, hightailed it off to the IDI and bunch of different questions or come firing and stuck in this fog of

10: 00

10: You know, early, you know, baby PPD for all the things that you have.

10: 07

10: And then yeah, turns out at four weeks, we had to go to Westmead kids and have surgery for to replumb him. So basically, biliary atresia is the blockage of the bile ducts, the bile ducts can be so tiny in a baby like ultrasound didn't pick it up. So we had to run a dye through his body to see how the dye

10: 28

10: basically funneled through his body. And it didn't go away, which meant that there was no way for it to drain, which basically, it's a build up of the bile in the liver, which causes scar tissue and eventual liver failure. So we were early stages, and we had the correction surgery, which is actually one of the highest failure rates in pediatric surgeries have 30% success rate 30% partial success and basically 30%, flat out 33.333, you know, make that calculation. But yeah, so we ended up falling into bucket number two, he went in, we did the what's called the castle procedure where they

11: 08

11: they cut the small intestine, and they replumb it to the liver. And it basically just funneled straight through that way. And he was put on a special baby formula, which was a medium chain triglyceride, in layman's terms is basically,

11: 25

11: you know, a synthetic fat, so it's a different way of processing fat in the body, for him to gain weight. And because the

11: 33

11: small intestine was connected to the liver, we lost us sphincter, which basically is like a little flap which stops things coming in and out,

11: 43

11: which actually creates more of a chance for, you know, infection. So we had to be very careful when he had a fever. And that happened in October. So yeah, we went in some, some kids that have this a fine and they can last but unfortunately for us, it failed. So for the next few months, what we had to do was basically wait for our child to get really sick before they would list him for transplant. So it was quite a rocky period of watching him get worse before he could get better. And at the same time, the business was absolutely blowing up. So it's kind of this really happy, medium kind of happy, sad moment where you kind of you've got you can't really be happy in one aspect of your life because something so catastrophic is happening in the other and it can be so you know, they say that you need to really have all plates spinning equally. And I guess it's the opposite at the moment, family lives is great. And business life kind of took a dive off the back of that. So it's like now it's tilting the other way. So, you know, it's we went in, got the workup in February. It was a whole week in hospital at Westmead. Where we met anesthesiologist where they spoke about all of the drugs that were basically going to keep him alive. During the surgery. We spoke to surgeons, we spoke to counselors.

12: 56

12: And just such an in depth now I look back at it. I'm like how the heck did I even managed to live through that because it's so intense. And now I let know that I was living in fight or flight. So it's basically like, you know, you look back now and like, whoa, so all these people saying things that they thought were helpful but weren't like, if it happened to anyone, it's gonna happen to you. And you're like, Please stop saying that to me.

13: 21

13: So yes, we need some language, learnings in society on how we speak to people that are dealing with certain things. And I guess that's something that I try and help us and also speak to on my personal Instagram page. But yeah, it was just kind of a bit of a whirlwind. And then yeah, come February we were we actually were just about to be listed it takes a week because you've got to work with the adult hospital, which is that RPA for those who don't know you a liver, an adult liver can be cut into two and save two kids lives, which is super cool. So if there was a organ to need, it was probably the best one to get.

14: 03

14: While this was all happening, he ended up being admitted to hospital literally within that week of processing so they can't continue to list you if you are in hospital already. Or if you are out of like two and a half hours away from the hospital because obviously it's quite time sensitive. So you need to have all these rules in place. Bo ended up being taken hospital because a common side effect is what's called societies which is the buildup of fluid in the belly. So we have this photo of him at eight months old with his belly, which gives pregnant some massive massive full of full of fluid and it was just and he was bright yellow side effect of you know, of the buildup of bile is that you get what's called pathological jaundice, which is the bilirubin can't come out during your feces.

14: 54

14: Will doesn't come out in your in your stores. And so that's why the pigment disappears. Anyone that has one

15: 00

15: Light stalls, please see a doctor. It's a liver issue. One of the early stages of knowing that something was wrong was also that his stores were really pale. So yep, that applies to literally anyone the insides of his eyes were really yellow. His teeth were a little bit yellow and stained. So yeah, that's that's kind of an indication that something's wrong. You'll also notice if someone does have a liver disease that they will have, you know, yellowish skin. Yeah, so we went in and had to be put on a juristic and different types of drugs to basically get rid of the liquid. Just add salt to the wound, he had a hernia that that also decided it wanted to show its ugly head in that stage. And they were talking about taking us to Randwick, the other kids hospital to do it. But our team at Westmead were like, don't worry about it, we'll just get rid of it when we do the transplant surgery. So technically at two surgeries in one when he went in for transplant.

15: 55

15: And so yeah, in the middle of May, when

15: 58

15: we got the call, which was the number one locked down in Sydney during COVID, which was super awesome. And there was a whole bunch of precautions in place. So we were the first transplanted kid at Westmead. That wasn't controlled. So you can have live donors, so parents donate to their children. So there was one of those that had already happened. But for us, it was the first instance of this. So they didn't really know the protocol, they didn't know what we needed to do. There was only allowed to, you know, one parent was only allowed and it's kind of hard to use, put a life threatening surgery on the board. And so sorry, anyone parent can come in. So they were really great. But yeah, there was lots of things that we had to listen to lots of things.

16: 38

16: That I guess it was quite confronting at the time. So everyone was worried about being locked up in their house, and we were like fleeced of ours.

16: 48

16: The transplant was on May 6, so we got the call on May 2. And they called me at five o'clock, that was the most surreal phone call, we weren't allowed to tell anyone for three months on social media, there's a whole big thing about that, because they don't really want people to know who it came from will make the connection. Because there is a whole bunch of protocol in place. And after I spoke to the team, it was really interesting to know that some people just have,

17: 15

17: they can get really attached to the person that has taken their loved ones organs, or they want to create this relationship, or maybe they don't want it to go to a boy, they wanted it to go to a girl or, you know, there's all of these nuances involved. So you kind of have to work through DonateLife, or transplant Australia to communicate. So obviously, we sent a letter we haven't heard back, and that's fine. We will continue to write during stages of his life. But you know, sometimes people don't really want to hear they just kind of are grateful that they've done something quite nice. And we're always super, super grateful for donors. And we will continue to always champion that aspect but

17: 54

17: and always donate blood if if they if you can't donate for whatever reason that you can actually donate your blood because most of the time they haven't transfusion during transplant. So something I try and do every so often is to get in there and donate as much as I can if I'm healthy.

18: 10

18: And yeah, so that was another thing that was really cool. So yeah, we went through that whole stage, it was a six week recovery, or he was out of hospital in three weeks. But it's a six week recovery period. We can't say literally anyone except, you know, just us can't risk any type of disease or because he's so immunosuppressed from, you know, having an organ transplant.

18: 33

18: It's like a build up again. So you've got to find the fine balance between compromising your immunity to accept the liver, but not compromising it enough to get disease and infection. So it's a constant assessment of Bloods and

18: 47

18: medications. And, you know, people would look at us and say, Oh, what do you have to do? So when we pre transplant we were giving him 15 vials of medication morning and night

18: 56

18: post transplant where you know, one year later went out one day so it's crazy. Just the difference that it's made in him is completely normal. Katie would know anything.

19: 08

19: But yeah, like the most happy go lucky kid you'll ever meet. But what a what a ride. So yeah, during COVID That was actually really beneficial for us as everyone stay at home and wash their hands be super hygienic. Like, selfishly, that was perfect for us because we needed an environment like that. So, you know, it's become quite common practice for everyone to just habitually do this stuff now wash their hands, you know, use sanitizer and be much healthier. But obviously, you know, he's had his transplant, everything was great to kind of after that, that everything takes a bit of a turn. You know, you kind of hit some kind of normality. And then there's a bit of PTSD that kicks in because once you can kind of deal with it, you're everything you know, you're out of fight or flight and things start to study out is when you know everything kind of rears its ugly head so there was just different ways of dealing with things we had to go to WWE now if anytime

20: 00

20: From this point forward, he gets some fever over 38, five, it's mandatory hospital stay 48 hours.

20: 05

20: And yeah, so during those first three years we've been it's been one year since we've been in hospital Touchwood. That's the best we've ever had. But the first three and a bit years he was in hospital 37 times, which is 37 times that a minimum of two days at a time. So that constant interruption of business and life and studying back out really took its toll. Not only on the business, but on my mental health. And, conveniently, December 2020, we thought things were kind of studying out and I fell pregnant with my second. Yeah. Yeah, that was a great idea, wasn't it? And then things kind of went into lockdown. So yeah, it's been a bit of a ride. But yeah, it's kind of

20: 48

20: you can't you can't plan for that you couldn't you there was no way to plan. But how? How did you feel then going into blys. That with being pregnant with Bly we, you know, interestingly enough, you assume that you've got it covered? Because what, how bad could it be? You just had such a such a, you know, emotional, traumatic experience, like surely the next one will be fun.

21: 13

21: And for the record, billary tracer isn't hereditary. It's just an actual genetic Fr. So just lots of things happen when you creating children. And sometimes genes don't like to talk to each other. So yeah, they've never found

21: 28

21: the reason for it. They suspect it's something to do, maybe with the mother getting sick during pregnancy. And the reason that's not really shown in utero is because the mother's body's keeping everything okay. And so it kind of the baby has to kind of live and go on its own is when everything kind of hits the hits the ship. But yeah, so it's pretty much where we're in. But yeah, Bly was, I mean, aside from the fact that we were in lockdown for the vast majority of his pregnancy and

22: 00

22: and also in hospital with Ari, it became quiet. I was trying to mentally be like, don't be stressed out with calm, don't know depression vibes or cortisol into the into the workplace. So yeah, it was it was it was hard. So but at the same time, the business actually skyrocketed. Everyone was getting funding people were coming into that. So I had the team, thankfully, I'd built the team.

22: 21

22: But off the back of that, obviously, I needed the team because off the back of Bly, who also had a lactose intolerant and was colicky for 10 months straight.

22: 29

22: Ah, that was fun.

22: 33

22: It sent me into PPD. So I did have a really rough time in 2021 22. Just dealing with some stuff.

22: 42

22: As part of as part of depression. Yeah. Also, I'm ADHD and I never really,

22: 48

22: I hadn't been medicated. Since I was 16 years old. I had everything sorted. But I think it was just anyone that knows anything about ADHD, it's just basically overwhelmed. And you have a high ability to manage stress. So I just think it just got to the point where my ability to manage the level of stress just tipped so you know, pandemics, inflation's to children, transplants and colleagues. You know, it just it tilted. So I just found that once it tipped, I couldn't, couldn't get back.

23: 15

23: Like, yeah, like, you know, there was that nice, boom, 2021 kind of a new talk about it a lot, which is helpful. And obviously then applying it to, you know, having gone through a crisis, a family and medical crisis as well, of that delayed reaction. And so, you know, we all 2020 kind of wasn't as bad as 2021 is, in a way, it hit us all in 2022. And then the repercussions are still because then all that, like you've said, before all that funding and stuff went away, then it was like, Well, who are the businesses who are going to survive without any additional help? Because, you know, and we were You were a bit

24: 00

24: I don't know, frivolous times with like, what you've done, and we weren't spending money on you know, I speak for myself with travel and things back open. We didn't have to spend money outside the house so you could buy more stuff or do a bit more courses or get a bit more help in your business because you weren't spending money on other things. And then you add in the real world, the way the world really functions. And you're like, oh, actually this money won't go that far.

24: 29

24: I lovely. I want to open the doors to incredible opportunities for you on an all inclusive luxury retreat exclusively for people who are ready to live a life they love. I invite you to join me for five inspiring nights in sensational SriLanka for the rest and receive retreat, hosted from second to seventh of November 2024. by yours truly, Emma Lovell. I asked you to disconnect your senses and immerse in this exotic culture while you reconnect with yourself.

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25: 42

25: Yeah, well, in hindsight, it's a wonderful thing, isn't it? If everyone knew what was coming up, I think a lot of people would have would have done things differently. Like I didn't apply for grants, because

25: 51

25: I just assumed, hey, we're going alright, give it to someone that needs it. But now I was like shit, like, we should have done that. Like, we were socially acceptable for that, like, lots of different things that we should have, should have. But you know, it's this is this is what they talk about in business, isn't it, it's like you have to learn from like, I don't assume that we're going to have a pandemic again. But we will have to really understand that we don't control the things that we just can't control. But it's how we react, when we're in those circumstances that creates the resilience and the change that we need to create successful businesses. So I found that 2022 was the year of the, you know, of the recovery. I still think people were still all over the shop, like, you know, people lost people, we were restricted from social connection, people lost the ability to kind of go out and have conversations, there was like, huge ramifications. And no one knew how to deal with this.

26: 44

26: Thankfully, herd immunity was built, and people were able to get back out into society again, and and socialized. But you know, at what cost is now a new a new pandemic, or epidemic, I should say, with mental health of people that just, you know, everyone's still stuck, they're stuck. You talk to people, they think 2020 was yesterday's, like, nearly four years ago. Now. Why didn't I do like, yeah, I kept going. So surreal. I know, again, like such a me problem. But the fact that I didn't go to India for four and a half years, when I haven't actually have a business there, and had been going, I went to twice in 2019, and had all these plans. And you're like, what, it took me four and a half years to get back. But it's like, that's where you couldn't get there. I mean, and I, you know, where it could have gone in 2023 earlier, but we were going in end of November, there's a lot of catch up I've seen in the travel space is literally

27: 39

27: the people are playing catch up. And it was that thing as well as like you talked about, like having some people have gone all in on the business stuff and gone all in on business, travel and business connections and getting back out there and that respect, and other people are like, I'm just focusing on my family. And they've gotten, they put a lot of their money into having that trip that they didn't get to have spending time visiting people. Because they didn't get the they're making up for lost time. And also, we also have to remember that that's I guess, you and I both know that that's the privilege side of things.

28: 13

28: There's also the other side of those that were severely impacted by the by the pandemic, and also those that were severely impacted by inflation last year. And so the ability to want to spend on your business is almost slim to none, if you have so many other different life circumstances. And I spew this narrative out so many times because I believe that it is highly privileged people that talk to if you don't make enough time to do this, then you know, blah, blah, blah, like we all know the importance of building a business and scaling a business and but I can tell you right now someone that has just absolutely slugged herself for the last 10 mount unit. This M like, you know, I'm talking from anyone that says that, you know, you shouldn't be hustling to doing the hustle culture anymore to do your business, you're doing it wrong. It's like, well, sometimes people just don't have the option to do that. Right. And for me, it was from I had to let my team go, I've let my studio go. So I'll be leaving my studio and a couple of weeks, I think they found someone to replace it. That's bittersweet. I've let that go. So I'm not uncomfortable with it, I've got a whole new idea of redecorate my space at home. So there's like a new adventure that I want to do. But, you know, it's you have to let go of some of the things that you did do or what you consider to be your pillars of success and reshape the narrative to figure out how you can now grow in a new way in a different way. Because the way that previously, you know, the way that you thought you could have done it previously is no longer viable.

29: 43

29: And so I see that in order to grow a business someday, of course you need all these big fandangled things right? But it all comes down to strategy or comes down to the plan. It comes down to where you want to be it comes down who's speaking to and you can get so creative on such a minimum

30: 00

30: Budget and grow your audience so great that you don't need to be spending 1000s and 1000s. of dollars into mentors. And I mean, sure, that's important, but you just don't need to do that.

30: 13

30: And I think that that's where we've gotten last year is that people that didn't have that extra burden of the mental load of motherhood or parenthood, we'll just or even, I shouldn't even say that I should say, or disability or carers or respite, like all of these things. Were mental health, if you don't, if you are someone that's living life, where you're financially set, you know, mentally, you're great, you know, you've got a really good support network,

30: 45

30: you actually have to step outside your bubble of privilege for a second and take a good hard look of where the world is that if I had to call out so many people that I know, and I actually am calling myself out, because there are places where I am privileged in being able to fix my loan for five years prior to all of the interest rate rises, so that we haven't taken a hit at all with that space. But knowing that there are other people that are literally scraping their money together, because they're doubling their mortgages every week, right? Like, it's just understanding where people are sitting in the market. And that niche like you, we've seen the behavior change on social media, it's very volatile. There's a huge societal shift happening, people are really angry, and a lot of this stems from depression and anxiety. And this

31: 30

31: fight or flight like people.

31: 33

31: Yeah, he's still famine and living on that, like, yeah, one minute, everything's coming in. It's all lush and wonderful. And then the next minute you you are you're scraping by, and it's, you know, acknowledging privilege, but also living in the circumstances that you are, because if we can't say to someone, well, there are starving children in Africa, very well aware of that I sponsor two children. Well, vision, I've been there, I've seen it, Oh, it's beautiful. But I have to live with the world that I have to deal with the circumstance that I am in. I know that there's billionaires, you have problems as well, like, I think we have to deal with where we're at, be sensitive to the people around us. But obviously, your problems are very real to you. My problems are very real to me. 100%. That's that comparison that and you know, and I think that's what you're taught like that came up, we saw that people kind of going around the Taylor Swift theme, you know, it's like the compare it like the comparing of all you could just do this, or you just do that. It's like, you can't compare your situations and what 100% Or what their circumstances are, you can't just place your own judgment on to that and go, I don't just be better. Yeah. And I think that that's what he's like, I have no hate on anyone that is constructing directive towards people that are in specific circumstances, right. So if you're in a business, and you do a certain thing, and you're largely unaffected, then kudos to you a lot of the times that's that's built from previous great systems that they've already set themselves up so that nothing fails. Like that's the point of creating good business models is that you can actually ride the storm when things get hard, different revenue streams and providing diversification in that space is absolutely where you need to be. Where I where I get really annoyed is when people are using that Blamey kind of rhetoric on and like you just said, you can be doing so great. Everyone has problems? Of course they do. You know, my problems are different your promise, like I have a child that has successfully left the hospital, there are other children, like your beautiful nephew, and that you know, don't have the same outlook and their lives is vastly different to my life. And you can't compare from that point of view. I guess what I'm saying is that don't throw shade or circumstantial facts at people that when you don't understand they're the nuances of their life. So don't sit there and say, oh, you know, you're lazy because you do X Y Zed. For instance, the amount of times I see people go, how much time do you have in a day? I see so many people scrolling their phone, when we all know that actually scrolling your phone is a trauma response. People do that because there's no expectation they're escaping the reality like and if I wonder how many people knew that it's just understanding where we're at. So if you're someone in that space, where you largely unaffected Hell yeah, have at it. But target people that aren't affected as well. And speak directly to those people so that you're not actually making someone feel less than with your messaging. And again, it's not up to you to shape the feelings of how other other people I guess respond to what you put out there. I understand that as well. But just understand that not everyone's in your position. So step outside your own bias for a minute and understand that the world is in a vastly different circumstance pending on where you live, where your upbringing is, our brains actually shape the way that we see the environments that we live in someone that's hard.

34: 49

34: And, you know, trigger warning had any kind of abuse during their childhood would experience the world vastly different to those of us that haven't. And it's hugely correlated and

35: 00

35: I think that the more we speak about mental health and the more we think about the way that we have conversations with one another and be a little bit more compassionate and empathetic, we can start to understand that there's certain nuances involved. And it comes down to the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Yeah, like, bottom bottom of that is, you know, food security, safety. You know, keeping yourself alive. And for a lot of people last year, it was keep food on the up, keep food on the table for your kids. If you didn't have kids, you're already up a rat up a ladder. And that's not saying that you're you're privileged, it's just that you're in a different circumstance to understand the circumstances of your audience. And don't tell them that they're doing something wrong, you know? Yeah, absolutely. And I love what you said about language before, I'm a big one with having words, a part of my love language, but also having a child now like that language, and I'm a communicator. So, but that language around our children and the things that we say and how easily and how quickly we can take that on. But you know, like, you touched on i Yeah, so it was a year ago, that I reached out to you, we were already, you know, we had already been supporting each other, but, um, became very close, because I reached out to you and my nephew, we found out he had a terminal diagnosis. I mean, I reached out to before, because they'd been in hospital and having a serious, it's hard. It was the first person I thought of it was like, who's been through this? And my ask of Tara was like, how did you want to be communicated to? And how did you want support? And what did you need? And what's actually helpful, you know, understanding that I did go down, but also that I don't live nearby. So how can we help from afar? And what do you what do you say to someone who's doesn't know what's wrong with their child and is in a medical crisis, and then it was only a few short weeks later that we found out that he is terminally ill he has crab a disease, which is a rare genetic condition. So he said, there's a lot of room there. And

36: 58

36: yeah, that was the lotto the, the card that they were dealt. And yeah, Louie has been given one to two years to live. So it's been one year now. And he is declining in health, but I am eternally grateful to Tara for the support that you gave me love him. And my family. And, you know, like, you know, it's not just

37: 21

37: here for me last year, it was hard on a lot of businesses, even if they had there in neutral circumstances, like you said, mental well being was okay. And I mean, though, being in financial and, and constant level of stress will naturally take a toll on your mental well being. But

37: 37

37: to add on top of that, that everyone was struggling in business, but I mean, I'm just grateful. My Word, my retrospective word was gratitude. Because the fact that muy bien still standing in your family went through that.

37: 52

37: You know, there were times throughout the year where I didn't know if I was, if I could keep functioning it was, there was just so much and it felt like I actually watched the Ed Sheeran documentary, which I highly recommend. And he described it as he had like a series of grief, a number of things of grief coming up, and he said, it was like the waves kept crashing. And that's what depression can feel like or we might not recognize it. When you're in grief, you're in depression or when you're in survival mode, you're in depression, but that it's the waves just keep coming and you just can't take a breath because every time you come up, another wave comes. And for me, that was my grandmother passing away and then you know, difficulty in business and then two friends dying in August of breast cancer, you know, it's just like wave wave wave CRASH CRASH CRASH, but I got given

38: 40

38: I don't know if this speaks to you as well. But I got given this line last year, which I put up on my wall and it stayed with me, which is grief is clarifying living.

38: 49

38: And it no one should we shouldn't have to go through these things. But there are these things that happen and out of out of it. If we can take anything in. The grief makes you go well, I know what's important and not and I see that with you. There's things that you just don't give a fuck about

39: 09

39: the benefit of it. Yeah, that's absolutely the benefit of it. Is more things don't bother you. Yeah, people don't you just don't hang around. Yep. To motherhood. I think that's been the great thing about motherhood too. And look, the combo motherhood COVID These this loss. It's been so much loss and grief, but it has helped me and you know, being pregnant having a child you learn to let go of things you let go of control. We have to let go. And you're allowed to grieve those things. And I told you and I'm not gonna say first of all problem but you know, like I told you before we got on it. I have given up a four year dream of going back to Mexico for our wedding anniversary. I had to let that go. It's a luxury. It's a nice to have but it was something that was important to me and that I cared about so I will grieve it. I have I have grief I am grieving and I guess and letting it

40: 00

40: But um, I have to let it go. Because is it really the most important thing? Is it is it? What's it going to contribute? Like?

40: 09

40: It's like, you know what they say one door closes, another opens. So where are you going to? It's interesting arc and during that time, just that you were planning to go away. Just take note of the things that happen. It could be some vastly important that could be introduced, it could be introduced to someone, or and I know this sounds like the biggest hogwash ever. But I believe,

40: 30

40: to you pepper things in that, you know, you can, that what actually pulled me out of whatever depression I was in, because it's really hard to kind of shake when you've got PTSD. And I highly recommend that if anyone's feeling foggy to go and speak to someone

40: 45

40: because everyone thinks they were okay. And I thought I was okay with with after my second born

40: 51

40: blind and I reckon it was five months before I realized that I was I was PPD.

40: 57

40: I was postpartum depression and I had postpartum depression and

41: 01

41: kept ticking on it. And everyone kept saying, you're okay, you're okay? Because you're smiling, or you're okay, because you're still doing this or you're okay, because, but I was angry, I was so angry and everything felt so overwhelming. And it was at that point that I went, you know, what, I am going to speak to a psychiatrist, because I feel like this is an overload of a combination of PPD and ADHD, which I found out that ADHD also you is PPD. Sorry, is that highly correlated with ADHD? So

41: 35

41: I found that out. And once I was I decided to medicate myself after for what is it like 20 something years.

41: 43

41: And it changed the game. Like it just opened up so many things. But the before that, I was stuck. I think it was 2022 October, I came past is real. And it said, no one's coming to save you, except you. And I was like,

41: 59

41: and then I realized that it was like,

42: 03

42: yeah, and they play the victim. Yeah, you play the victim, or you play the victim. And I was like, Oh, here we go. So yeah, I took control of my shit.

42: 12

42: And that doesn't mean that you negate what has happened to you, I think it's very important to very much address what's happened. But yeah, that's pretty much what pulled me out of my stuff. And

42: 24

42: yeah, you were at one by one by one by one, the things that were, you can't do everything at the same time, you have to choose one thing to tackle. And the first thing that I started to tackle was actually my health. So it was back to the gym on a regular basis, which was something that I was, you know, was basically born into my DNA fact that I hadn't gone was obviously, the anger as soon as I started to go and lift weights and do all my HIIT exercises are loving to do like that, that stopped some things. And then, you know, I gave myself some time away. And you know, am you as a witness, when we went to the movies and breakers conference in October was a huge thing for me like it was bring it up. I think that was

43: 08

43: it was such a turning point that October 2022. And then we had December, when we went when I met up at business chicks HQ with our lovely ladies and just seeing you.

43: 17

43: I really honestly like you had been on that, like, keep trucking keep trucking because you had to. You've been keep on trucking and to see you. And not that I want to say this, but I sometimes do. You fell apart in front of us and to see honorably because you are strong and you are tough. And you are like, you know, you no rockin. And you can give off that ZeroFOX vibe. But you were hurting, and you had been through so much. And I've been privy to it, but the other ladies hadn't. And to see you open up and share in a safe space in a way that you felt comfortable. I loved that because you that is the release that is to let go and the honoring of the journey. So that then yeah, okay, well, then we can move forward. And I think a lot of a lot, then in 2023, you were more open as well to that help and support and to letting people in.

44: 11

44: You'd had to lock people out. And you'd had to be top of injury. So to let us in to let that women in around and, you know, you obviously I know, we go to opposite ends of the scale of the networking sometimes and the meaning people but you know, opening yourself back up to that because bringing new people in or are deepening those connections? I think yeah, it's really interesting that you say that because I think that when I went to move as a broke as the first thing I think I cried every day that I was there and I think it was just being away having my time but that's such an important thing is having space because when you're stuck in a silo, it's in a bubble. And you love your kids dearly so you get this mum guilt when you spend time away from them and society says Oh, you're such a shit person for spending time away from your kid.

45: 00

45: Good, but my God, like I am just that person that needs that space. Because I'm such a good mom, when I'm, when I'm on, you know, like and that, that build up of negative like feelings it actually takes that away from your being being your best self for your kids.

45: 18

45: Three days away like that was amazing. Top up and it was what it was that's what the event was. But even a night, even half a day, even a couple of hours of something that's just for you, like we talked about that we talked about. And it seems so simple and Jade and I, which I said to expect me but it's like, it's hard. We talked before we came on about how hard it is to get a night's sleep. But go to India, I'll do it in a second, like, totally, ya know, and do the big thing, like go on a retreat, or run a retreat in India, then sometimes it is to get to bed consistently on time and wake up at a decent time. Like, what that was like when I did your retreat in the February. So it was it was a knock on effect, it was just having that time. And then it all kind of built up from there. We had those moments, those little things. And then bit by bit by bit by bit. My I started to find myself again. And I think that it was just having it literally was just having that space, you can't have that space at home. Like it's really hard to find that if you could go into another room. It's the mental, it's the mental obstruction of knowing that you can still be contacted. My husband's great, he's really good. And he was actually he noticed the vast difference of me coming back from from movers and brokers and was like, Hey, do you want to go and have another week? Like, you know, so is this? Yeah, kangaroo Valley, you will like Ryan's like you have, like you have a unique space. I think it's just like, you know, it's not you being a bitch, it's just that you need the it's the overwhelm. It's the overwhelm of all the expectations of you. And when you remove yourself from the overwhelm, you have the ability to sit and think and just sit with it. And so that's what he was like, Well, what would you like to do next, I just have another day to just do nothing, like just space. Because it's when you're on and like, these days, it's so hard because we're connected to everything and the way that technology is moving. Like, you know, our brains can't keep up. So it's like funneling into the depression and anxiety. And it's like, it's like you can't catch up. So we're constantly feeling like we're on a on a hamster wheel. But you know, it's up to it's actually up to us to maintain that speed. It's up to us to control that speed. And we can control that speed. Boundaries down. Wasn't that a call that we had when we were away? That was? Yeah, yes. And then, yes, if Tara has fielded many late night, early morning, middle of the day, they didn't break down, but you know, which is great. I turned that into a channel that into a post, which he said, because that's the reality. And that was the feeling. Yeah, the truth. And,

47: 50

47: you know, so we've, you share vulnerability, you, you know, you got to share when you're in a safe space, but it felt fine to share that I'd be happy to discuss it. But I had to deal with the feelings were real. And that was obviously, you know, what you're saying about, you know, I know that Ryan, he does make time for himself in that he does his running that he loves. And it's something that, you know, not all women are great at but not all men are greater. And it's something that Matt and I are working on at the moment. I'm like, you have to express your needs. Because I can't mind read. I can see when it's taking its toll. But he just as much as I do. I encourage him, do you want to go away for a night he actually prefers me and seem to go away? He likes being at home.

48: 30

48: Like you go you go you go. So that works for us. But like that's his way to have his time. And he his time for himself is doing nothing, either gym or nothing. That's fine. But you still we still have to be adults and you know, understand our own when our own feelings. I can't tell him we can't tell someone else what they need.

48: 56

48: It we shouldn't have to be told that we need to like you can recognize I'm getting to break tapping point. And if someone gives you permission, take the permission and the retreat is permission to come and have space and I totally said to you I'm going to rent out the beautiful rose farm that Denise Duffield Thomas has for a few nights and one of the days is going to be just come to this beautiful space and there is no agenda that being this beautiful space.

49: 25

49: You if we talk we talk if you don't get to a room and yeah, just it's like a creative stay. I want to call it like yeah, just paying to go away to be in a different space and allow it makes it that you'll hear all these like big wigs, like the successful entrepreneurs talk about how they moved and then all of a sudden things happen. Sometimes it's the environments that you put yourself in and coming back to what you said it's about your own needs. Like to give you an example of that exact thing. When I was put under and we had 16 hours or whatever it was for the surgery to take place. I went back into the room and I stared at

50: 00

50: Watch and listen to music, which is exactly what I do in any other day. And Ryan went for frickin 21k run around Parramatta Park, because that's how we both dealt with stress.

50: 10

50: If you were to tell me to go for a 21k run, I would have told you would have told you exactly what you expect. I would have said but you know, I that's not for Sir, my alarms going off. It's not exactly what it needs to be it just you just have to understand. Yeah, like you said people's wants or needs. But yeah, it's it is that it is that simple. Having that space having that time, this has been exactly what I wanted to be with you. It's a journey, my journey with a journey. But I'm so grateful for you and just coming to that. So I did ask you, I want to ask you a question. So one question I asked everyone, like coming out of this. And you know, it's not always ideal. It's not always, you know, what we expect it to be, but we do have to have a goal. And so for you, what does right now in this stage of life, living a life you love look like? It's actually nothing flamboyant. My husband and I pretty much are there. Sustainability of its time, flexibility and time to be able to create the things that you want in your family. So business is great for that, it can also be the opposite at times. But when you get the business built to a specific stage, and it can funnel without you, which it has done before, so I know what it's like to be there. It's funny that sometimes you think that you need all of these things to have this beautiful, rich happy life, and sometimes you find that you've already had it. So you know, it's, it's nothing, it's just the ability to be able to spend time with my family, not feel like I'm, you know, chained to my, to my business chair and have the ability to have an identity that sits outside of the business world and, and motherhood.

51: 50

51: Oh, I love that beautiful. And I think it always is, the answers are always simple and include like, think it's so simple. And it's like, I mean, my mission is to live a life I love. So that's, you know, that can be very broad. But I know what that means. And that's, I know what it means to me. And so I have defined that. And I love hearing what it means to other people. And someone did ask for this podcast, they were like, I want to hear how other entrepreneurs do it.

52: 16

52: And loving this is what we're doing. This is what the guest episodes do. It's just hearing how other entrepreneurs make it work. And the fact that what you see the shiny picture, not that we're lying or anything, it's just that we can't disclose all of it. And you can't in one post, tell everybody, we all need a book to tell, I do my hardest to try and be as transparent as possible. I've openly said that on both my personal brand accounts that I'm talking about it at the moment, like I'm not at the peak where I need to be. But I'm going through the progress now. And I feel this is what people need to watch. It's not the shiny object at the end. And this is what I did. And this is where I was at it sit with them during the process and watch what they're doing. See the failures that they're having like, because for every win that they have, they've probably failed 20 times prior to that. In order for you to be somewhere in your business, you have to be willing to just hurt a little bit. Unfortunately, sometimes the pain the big, bright, shiny object comes off the back of some hard resilience and some big big changes, both in business but also very, very personally aligned to your identity. Yeah, and I love that bit. I want to see I want to see the peaks, the troughs, the highs, the lows, I want the messy middle. I want all of it because it makes you know you and I wouldn't have the connection we have not that I want to, again, not theirs want us to go through all we've been through but because we've been through what we've been through and we've shared that I feel closer to you and I Yeah, absolutely. Likewise Yeah. So how do we connect with you? How do people get more of this brilliant tar lead goodness? Well, you can follow the business page obviously is your one and only underscore au on Instagram. That's pretty much where most of the narrative happens. You can click the link to find all the other stuff on there but I am starting conversations both on Instagram which is a little bit more personal. That is I am Tara lead and LinkedIn is more thought leadership stuff by mere bits at Tara Joy lead. It's pretty much I have a podcast you probably go listen to that. It's called Brandon butter.

54: 18

54: All the links are in the show notes. Yeah, put it down there somewhere.

54: 23

54: Thank you, my friend, grateful for you. Thank you for having me.

54: 28

54: Thank you for listening lovely one. I hope this has inspired you to dream big and start creating a life you love today. If you love what you're hearing, don't forget to follow and rate on Spotify and rate review and subscribe on iTunes. It helps other awesome people to find this podcast and get motivated and inspired as well. Want to stay connected. Come and join the live a life you love group on Facebook or connect with me on Instagram. Emma lovell.au The same as my website. But all the details are in this

55: 00

55: don't know it's lovely I'll see you next episode for more inspiration motivation and freedom seeking Now go out there and live a life you love