The Shift with Dana Da Silva

Episode #58 - Dana Da Silva (EDITED)

Thu, Apr 25, 2024 7: 09AM • 45:21

Thu, Apr 25, 2024 7: SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Thu, Apr 25, 2024 7: book, ocd, writing, intrusive thoughts, people, love, mental health, journey, published, jess, dana, writers, memoir, thoughts, psychologist, feel, story, life, thought, podcast

00: 01

00: Do you want to live a life of freedom and adventure? Are you wanting more than the daily grind? Me too. Welcome to the Emma Lovell show, a place where we talk about living a life you love now, I'm your host, Emma Lovell, and my number one value is freedom. I've spent the last 14 years running a business and traveling the world. And now I take my husband and toddler along for the adventure to it's possible and I know you can create a life doing what you truly love as well. This podcast will inspire, motivate and encourage you to go after your dreams to create a life you love until you get now don't wait for a time and or someday in the future. I'll be sharing episodes weekly about how I harmonize business travel and self care. I'll also bring on incredible guests to share their journeys, wins the challenges and how they're creating a life they love. Let's jump in and get dreaming. This is a space for you to manifest a life you love.

01: 03

01: I would like to acknowledge and recognize Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the first peoples of this place now known as Australia. I am grateful for the continuing care of the land waterways and skies where I work live, listen, learn and play. From here on you can bear country and from wherever you are listening, I pay my respects to the elders past and present.

01: 25

01: Welcome to the podcast today I have the incredible Dana de Silva, a single mum of two based in Sydney who has just written her debut book, the shift. As a reader of this book, the shift, I can tell you it is outstanding and a brave and courageous story that you're going to love. So Dana is a has a journalism degree, and she has spent the past decade working in PR across both the public and private sectors. These days, she's a part time media advisor and aspiring indie author with big dreams. She loves creative writing, including poetry, and it's her elixir of joy. She even she considered putting pen to paper and has been ended up with this free therapy and form of meditation. And it resulted in the book the shift funfact she's a Gemini stellium which means that her son, Moon, mercury, and Venus are all in Gemini. Dana is definitely a spiritual, beautiful human. And I couldn't talk to her for hours. And I can't wait to for you to learn more about her journey about her author journey. And about this fabulous.

02: 40

02: Welcome to the podcast, Dana DaSilva. I thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited to be here. I am so excited. We've only recently connected. But for the audience, please tell us in your words, who are you? Yeah. So I'm Dana de Silva. I'm a single mama with two little ones. And we're based in Sydney. And I'm also an author, I recently published my first book, which is a memoir that did the shift. And it dives into a lot of different topics I like to write about taboo subjects. So my book talks about, you know, travel stacks, OCD, also touches on recurrent UTIs. There's a lot in there. So that's my first book, baby, and it's just gone out into the world.

03: 30

03: Beautiful. I mean, it's a beautiful book. So obviously, this is a podcast, but we also have a video so I am holding it up. The cover itself is stunning, but actually feels and it's really nice. I'm writing a book as we speak, and it's really nice to like, hold someone else's book, but also to see what you like and that that cover is feels that it's funny because when you're on the self publishing journey, you have so many things that crop up along the way that you have to find the answer for and one of them was do you want this published in matte or shiny gloss? And I was like, I do not know the answer to this but I obviously I went with the matte and I'm very happy I did that every time and just the colors. It's like just like is ruby red, or even more dependent for blood red, it's really rich red. It's called the shift and that's amazing. And straightaway the travel spoke to my heart but I had seen you do your launch with my book coach just made it and publish from Hembree books just so just

04: 34

04: Yeah, tell me so how like because I was just you know, I've Yeah, I'm starting with Jess from day one. Or even before day one even from concept. So when did just come into your book writing journey and how did you find her? Yeah, so Jess actually came in right at the very end and I just stumbled upon her I don't know if I had a found her earlier on. Perhaps I would have gone on the journey a lot sooner with her. And I think that

05: 00

05: any self publishing nonfiction authors they should really consider because I can't imagine how lovely it would be to work with the whole way through. I gained so much from having her on my side just for the tail end.

05: 14

05: But yeah, we I'm a bit woowoo. So I actually was like putting it out to the universe, like, helped me connect with the right person to help me launch the book into the world. And then I just stumbled upon Jess online like she just popped up I think I was where I was launching my books was that better read than dead. And I was going through just on Google looking at events in Sydney for author launches and seeing who typically launches a lot of the books out there in Sydney. And I found her that way. I just went down a bit of a rabbit hole and, and then yeah, connected with her. And yeah, just straight away, I felt like I was in such good hands. And it felt like the right fit. So I actually did like a one on one, just one coaching session with her because I was right at the end. And I just had a few questions, really, you know, mundane things about like barcodes on the back of the book. And I could have gone away and researched all the information myself. But I was just at that time, I just wanted to outsource it and get just asked her everything in one session and get the answers. So she was really helpful with that. And then I just decided to book her for the launch as well. So yeah, yeah. And I, there's a book that I'm promoted, like promoting all the time, they don't know who I am or what I'm doing. But it's called who not how and it's by Benjamin Hardy, Dr. Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan. And so it's about finding your who, and not learning how, because your expertise with the, you know, no one else could write the story. But all the other stuff. And I know that you've got a publicist on board now like and I said to Jess, your mind who and she is going to connect me to other who's like, the important role for me is to, to no one else can write the story. Like we have to write that. But a lot of the other pieces, it's really a step by step process. And I told you today before we started, I've just got like a pile of books here, by the way. Like, here's one I prepared earlier, was this book by Anna Featherston. Look, it's your book. So that's also like Jess recommended it. And it's just like, sitting by my side. And I think yeah, it's such a having somebody in your corner, right? Yeah. Yeah, I think, um, yeah, it's worthwhile considering. I mean, I don't know what it's like expense wise, but I think if you can do it, it'll just make the process that much smoother, like work smarter, not harder. I definitely think that investing in people like justice is worth its weight, you know, leaving saying to me the other day that you can sell it, like start pre selling, I could start selling my launch, start selling the book now. And then that's going to pay for the things that I have to outlay for anyway. And their books are not, not many people know. But books are not a cheap exercise. And whether you're traditionally published unless you're getting a massive book advance, and that is somebody who's basically a celebrity, you're basically paying, you're paying a publisher, you're paying to self publish, know exactly, exactly. We're talking 1000s. So

08: 20

08: I think there's quite a lot of hybrid publishers out there now as well, it can be really confusing. And obviously, you know, you, you go down the whole path, like if you look at being traditionally published, and then you go down, whether you're going to Self Publish, and then you come across the hybrid publishers, you figure out who the vanity presses are, and you have to stay away from them. So it's a really confusing time. So I think in in hindsight, looking back, I think if I, if I had have known about Jess, and what she offered a lot earlier on, I probably would have would have gone with her. Yeah, from the outset. Well, it was a bit lovely to to have met you in person after seeing you online at her book launch and you kindly gifted me your book?

09: 04

09: You know, Holly, who's written Holly's Hell was there. Danielle Collie who's

09: 10

09: putting in her final manuscript today? Obviously, you didn't do the whole process, but you've worked just at the end and I like all that there's like a little little

09: 19

09: group of us now that we're like, Henry authors, or my I know you Yeah, but like, it's really nice. And something I heard you talk about with Jesses on Jesses podcast was

09: 32

09: about writers groups. Yes. And the importance and I know someone I'm just gonna name drop the hell out of this episode. kilts, and I'm just like writing book lists for we just have a massive book list but kissed and Piltz has just published her memoir, loving my lying, dying cheating husband, which is phenomenal to see I went on a writing retreat with her and she used to run writers groups. And so as soon as like, I was reading her book and

10: 00

10: Your books on simultaneously and then listening to the podcast. And you talked about the writer's group like so how, how does that work? And are you still in one? What's the goal with that? Yeah, I'm actually not in a writers group at the moment. And it's something that I need to look at doing. Because I'm obviously now that my, my book is out, I'm going to be writing again. And, and for me a part of the writing process, definitely, I couldn't go without having writer's group now and having better readers, because it was so helpful for me with publishing the shift.

10: 35

10: And I was I was part of the Northern Beaches, writers group for a little while. So they are a really, really good writers group. It's, it's headed up by Xena Shakta. She's an amazing author. And yeah, for me,

10: 52

10: I think when you're writing, you sit with the work on your own for so long. And then you might even get, you know, friends or family to have a look at bits and pieces here and there. But they're generally very biased, and they they don't want to, they're not always able to give you that, you know, more tricky feedback that you might need. And also, when you're working with other writers, they have more expertise, obviously, in that area. So yeah, I My recommendation to any writers is get your work in front of fresh eyes as soon as you can. And like fresh eyes not being family and friends.

11: 28

11: Yeah, because I think for me, when I did that, you realize some of the things that you think were working, maybe aren't and things that, you know, I just, I think I had to really get feedback from other people to know, outside of my little bubble, what was interesting, and how the characters were connecting with people and, and all of that stuff. So yeah, yeah, I think you'll one would one would think and I know I thought is that you sort of protect it all, at all costs. You're and I heard you talking about being magic as well about how like ideas are up in the cloud, on down to you. I sort of felt like you had to protect it at all costs. But then, you know, even you know how it like you're promoting the book, you gotta talk about it before it comes out. You got to just, you know, sort of I was like, How early do I say that the books coming? Or,

12: 19

12: you know, how am I testing pieces? Or, you know, and when I did my speech, did a speech at UTS. Recently, I was like, glad that Jess was there, because it really followed kind of the sequence of the books. And then it was like, I think it'll help. And there were already bits that I was going, Ah, I feel like I should cut this out. She's like, No, that's the bit I loved. And, you know, almost editing yourself before you even start. And so having somebody Yeah, and I think I think as well, you know, getting pretty much get your first draft done, and then get it out there because it will inform your editing process. So you don't want to spend too long going down the wrong path if you have to completely change gears. So yeah, for me, as a writer moving forward, I will definitely be getting my work out to people sooner rather than later.

13: 07

13: And I mean, I like to like to think I learned a lot from from the first book. But yeah, it's always the case you just couldn't ever, you. It's like you can't see the forest from the trees. Sometimes you get a bit dizzy looking at your work. So Oh, and it's not in a book format. It's in a document or in a program or something and look into the content because it's so juicy. Like I said to you just off air. I was like, I feel like I'm reading your diary. And now I'm like how I don't know, like I wasn't just dying. I know. Like it's, it's so see. So this is his erotica in here. Obviously, I love the travel bits in here. But something that surprised me and it does talk about it on the back cover. But what really surprised me with your story was the your mental health stuff. Yeah, yeah. The OCD. Yeah. Yeah. And I really appreciated it. And

14: 06

14: I don't know that I don't have my so I have a psychologist Absolutely. Such an advocate for mental health and getting support and help. And I've had a psychologist for 14 years. But like, I think there's been a point I think this can you explain for us there's a misconception with what OCD is, and you cover it a couple times in the book

14: 24

14: that she said there's like a she said it once before to me and I didn't really click and now reading this, I'm like, I understand the thought like the thought I'll let you say, but the thoughts I really resonate as like, oh, that's what that is. Yeah, it's um, it's so interesting, because when I was writing the book, the OCD message was probably the most important message that I wanted to get out into the world. Just because it was such a bizarre thing that happened to me. And there's such a lack of education around OCD. There's so many misconception

15: 00

15: shins in stigma and it's trivialized people make jokes about it, you know, wanting to have a tidy desk and wanting to be clean. And so I really felt like I had to share my story to help with that education, but also for other sufferers out there. But yeah, you're right. Basically everyone thinks of OCD they think of, yeah, compulsive behaviors surrounding, you know, keeping things in order or counting or maybe even hygiene, which of course, is part of OCD for some sufferers. But for other sufferers, it's not always it doesn't always present like that. And so yeah, in the book, I started off on a journey with intrusive thoughts. So it starts in my early 20s. And I have this sort of this really sudden onset of becoming aware of my thoughts and having a lot of intrusive thoughts. I had pedophilia, OCD thoughts were I was fearful that I was or I would become a pedophile. I had fears around being incestuous. I had fears around being a murderer, and there was just this constant flood of intrusive thoughts. There were also thoughts of like, what if I drive my car off the road into a tree right now, like, there was such a wide scope of intrusive thoughts that were coming in.

16: 19

16: And I thought I had schizophrenia, I had no idea, especially being that young as well. I just had no idea that that was OCD. I thought I was going crazy. And so I carried that around for a couple of years before I ever told anybody else. And apparently, that's quite common with OCD, it's not uncommon for people to go a decade or even longer or live their whole lives without ever being diagnosed.

16: 49

16: And yeah, it's a bit um, that's why the education is also really poor, important for sufferers, so that people can identify those experiences as as OCD. Otherwise, you tend to go down the rabbit hole, you stay in your own mind, you feel like you're going crazy. And what's going on in your head is so. So like, you just feel like a monster. So you're terrified to tell anyone. So if more people know about intrusive thoughts, they know about how OCD can present, hopefully that enables people to get the help that they need.

17: 25

17: Hey, lovely Lee, I truly believe it's your time to shine. To build your business, you need to know the right steps to take at the right time. And I know it can feel so overwhelming trying to figure out what to do next, when there's so many things to do. That's why I offer the Hour of Power. It's one hour where we get clear actions that you can take start building your business today. You can use this session to get advice for the content, build strategies work through mindset books, we could simply talk about what you want to do next, what you want to attract into your life, and how you could actually bring more travel and enjoyment into your life. It's whatever you need, this is your time. And I'm here to back you every step of the way. So let's hit you up to massive success. Check it out ours power, you can find it on my website, Emma lovell.au, forward slash work with me, check out the show notes. And if you're interested at all, please do contact me. You can also get me at Mr. Emma lovell.au. Now back to the episode.

18: 28

18: I think that's the important point here, isn't it because it's like, it's so easy to self diagnose these days, like you could just don't like Google doctor. And sometimes when you have an awareness of things, I know that I have had even my own because of my understanding of my own. So I had depression when I was 17. And you know, sort of it's come back at times and anxiety.

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18: It's dipped in and out. So I have a propensity for it now. But like having had it. Sometimes I always take myself to that place before it's got to that place. So I'm diagnosing going, I'm already depressed. I've got this, I've got that. And then I go to my psych. And they're like, you're okay, like, it's just a bad day. Slow down. Yes. Yeah. And then the OCD, like when I really felt that and what you just said about crashing the car. I mean, that's gonna be my book like that. Those are their thoughts. I had horrible thoughts with my pregnancy and again, took my took myself to that place. And thankfully, having had the experience, the thankfulness of having had terrible mental health experience, and getting help was that now I know the first place I go is to get the help because they quickly they quickly will help me through the situation and they they will either take it seriously if they need to and take action or there'll be like a it's it's thoughts and that yeah, that's the thing. OCD is really treatable. So I think a lot of people have really good results with with therapy and CBD. I think the hardest part is probably getting to them.

20: 00

20: RP because of all of the things I just told you.

20: 03

20: And I love that you share that really vulnerably. And like, I've done, you know, I've some of the tools and resources like I literally could have been in the room with a psychologist saying that that like saying it out loud is terrifying.

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20: But, you know, like, as I said, the only thankful part of having depression so young, was that I had been to that really quickly if you haven't. Scary, like, it's still saying out loud those words. So I really, my heart was really there. No, thank you. But like brave, so brave of you. But also, like helpful that like that just I mean, even if people aren't to that, to that level of OCD, which would be horrible. We all have, I'm sure everybody has, that's what I that's what I was gonna say is what since I've published the book, it's been incredibly healing for me, I had no idea how it was going to be received. I know that mental health is spoken about more these days. But obviously, there's still a lot of, you know, old school mentality out there people that don't really, you know, believe in mental health and, and so I had to really mentally prepare myself for that. But it's been quite surprising how many people have connected with that part of the story. I thought when I was writing it, people are going to be, you know, made, they may sympathize with me, but they're not going to relate to what I went through. But so many people, even if they haven't had those particular kinds of intrusive thoughts, I think the nature of OCD, and the way our minds can be so cruel to us, makes everyone connect with it. And you know, one of my first friends who read the book, I was like, alright, what, like, how did you feel about that? Like, you know, do you still feel the same way about me? And like, could you think I'm crazy? And, and she was just like, I actually don't think it's that wild is what you think it is. She said, even though I've not had those particular thoughts. She said, I have struggled with certain, you know, things that my, you know, when she was younger, for example, she had thoughts around, you know, if she was to die, no one in her family would ever miss her kind of thing. And, um, and I mean, we all have our little things. So I think that I think that it is very relatable to a lot of people like we all everyone we're walking this earth has intrusive thoughts to some degree, it's part of the way our brains work for most people, those intrusive thoughts come in, and these intrusive thoughts go and they might think, Oh, that was a weird thought to have. It doesn't, it doesn't matter. For people with OCD. It gets stuck. We give a lot of power to those thoughts. We question who we are and why we are thinking those thoughts. And that's, and that's the disorder. So while everyone does have, you know, intrusive thoughts, not everyone is OCD, but I think people can relate to oh, I can imagine if if I did get hooked on that. That could be a path like people can just, yeah, I guess empathize a bit with it. Yeah. And yeah, like you gave an example of the psychologist Steven like, and I really love my psychologist, because she normalizes and she gives us permission. First, she'll say, I'm gonna tell you a story. Do you mind? And I love it because it normalized. Did you just it's not that view that we think of these stupid American all these American TV shows and movies of the person sitting there going home and how do you feel about that? They don't do that. They actually, like stop you and go, Hey, like, like, it's a dialogue and it's the humans and they're your psychologists, as much as anybody else need a psychologist.

23: 43

23: So I love I love how I found someone who normalizes and humanizes the experience and I loved that. The specialist you saw, so I'm giving away I started off. I first just saw a general psychologist and then I saw a psychologist who specialized in or a psychiatrist who specialized in OCD. And they were both fantastic. But I think it is really it's great if people who are suffering from OCD can work with a OCD specialist because the the work that I'm that Dr. Rocco did in such a short space of time was incredible. Like, I think, you know, all psychologists are amazing, but if you can find someone who really knows that disorder in like, that's the bread and butter that they do every day you're gonna have, you're gonna have quicker results. I love it. Look, there's a lot of bravery and courage in your book. The other hugely brave and courageous thing that I courageous thing admire is the choice to leave a marriage. And then the choice to fly overseas and to take on a trip. Like there's just, there's a lot of the theme I see in the book is is courage and bravery. Yeah, thanks.

25: 00

25: cue. Yeah, I think it's very easy. And I know, having been a child of going through this of, it's easy to leave a marriage in another way. Well, it's not easy, but whatever, like, but the saying the choice to leave before any activity happens and to end it when things on the surface seem okay, I just think I admire that so much. Yeah. And I think, um, I think as well, they having all of the mental health stuff only amplified that internal struggle, because I mean, they call OCD, the doubt disorder. So there's just a lot of self doubt there. And, for me, I thought, well, how can I trust my mind? If it's betrayed me so many times? How do I know if my feelings are really platonic? Or if if I'm just making that whole thing up? So I think it's always hard to leave a relationship? And I think, yeah, in situations like that, it can be, you know, triply hard, because you have that a whole other layer to deal with. And,

26: 05

26: yeah, I think that one thing that I've, I've noticed through my journey with understanding mental health is that, you know, you are not your thoughts and that, beyond all of that chaos in the mind that you still have an intuition deep down. So for me, I've had to do a lot of work over the years to try and separate the mental health staff and the overactive mind with trying to find a way to connect with my, my deepest self.

26: 35

26: Is like writing notes and Dana's talking because that was such a beautiful reminder, you are not your thoughts.

26: 45

26: Because I'm being spiritual. And I say this in the book, it did my head in as well. Because I'm thinking I'm trying to process the mental health stuff from you know, the science view and, and all of that, but then there's this part of me that wants to understand it on a spiritual level. And I even have a conversation with with Dr. Rocco in the background, like, what about, you know, they say, with the law of attraction, and UI, your thoughts and your thoughts, create your reality, I'm like, What's going to happen to me, like, my thoughts are crazy. And he was just so chill about it. And he said something like, you know, years ago, when that book came out, I turned to my colleague and I said, we're never going to be out of work because the process to be constantly thinking positive thoughts is enough to send anybody crazy. So, um, yeah, even just having to reconcile that has been a journey. And I think I think I'm kind of at a place now where I'm at pace with being able to manifest and still build this beautiful life while also holding space, you know, with my thoughts and not my you know, everything and it's an interesting balance to try and

27: 58

27: also manifester as well. And so you can it means you end up going away. Sometimes you can go into toxic positivity, because you don't want to acknowledge the bad but sometimes going I am I'm such a positive person, but one of the exercises I do with my coaching clients is what if, and what if it can go both ways? What if my books are success? What if my book is a best seller? What if I make bazillions of dollars from being an author? But you know, you can go the other way? What if my book doesn't get published? What if it's a stinker? What if I fall off a cliff and die? Like honestly, like go to the worst possible outcome? And then you like and then what? Yes, and it's like an eye so sometimes I'm like, okay, allow allow the all the worst case scenarios to come because if you ignore them Yeah, and I think it takes the fear out of it sometimes when you when you actually look at it and face it sometimes the fear of it goes away a bit. I

28: 59

28: won't talk about it.

29: 02

29: Moving on. I'll go to South America like Dana did

29: 07

29: my next book you know, yeah, it's you realize sometimes house like you locked so somebody's I don't have a calling me when I'm on airplane mode. But anyway.

29: 19

29: You realize, not It's not silly. There are real real things, but you take the sting out of it. I think that's such a powerful.

29: 27

29: Such a powerful message. But I've got to like it's really in the courtroom. I wrote a note earlier when talking to a colleague about coming and talking to you about the book. And the note is clipped lit. So

29: 42

29: Oh, yeah, that's it. Right now. Yeah. Does deal with sex and I've had a question because I have a very I, I this book, there is not going to be anything of that nature. But I would like to be writing my travel memoirs in future and there's definitely

30: 00

30: and some experiences over the years, but I wondered

30: 05

30: if you were still married? Would you have been able to write it? Because I'm, I'm married? And I am like, how do you write about lovers and pass things? And I don't, I don't know, like, like, just I fully listened to that episode, if if I would more allude to it, or whether I would go into it. But you go into these full depths, beautifully written erotic scenes, do you think you would have been able to do that when you were still in a relationship in that relationship?

30: 34

30: I mean, I so when I, I've actually been married twice. So when I came back, and

30: 44

30: I, um, I, yeah. So when I was I wrote the book on maternity leave. So I fell pregnant with my son. And then his dad and I, we were married. And we had another baby. So we had two beautiful children together. And it was when I was on maternity leave, that I wrote the book. So I just started writing for myself initially, just to have some me time during the day when my son would have his nap. And I really wanted to try and record all of my adventures. And I just knew that as time went on, I would be forgetting more and more of it. And so it just started as a bit of a, you know, a cathartic journey for me. And then it, it started to morph into a book, but I was really lucky that, um, my, my kids, Dad, my ex husband, he's, he was really comfortable with all of that. So, at the time, I thought that, you know, we would, we would still be married, that I would have a husband when the book came out. And so there were conversations that we had. And that was something that I really loved about him was that he was always very comfortable with me, sharing whatever poetry I wanted to write and share on social media. And he was very at peace with me, writing about those past relationships. Whereas I'd had, you know, partners previously, who I don't think they would have been able to do that they would have not been okay with it. So I was just yeah, very fortunate that, that he was okay with it. And yeah, it did, I have to say that he did give me a lot of courage to write. Um, so yeah, I am grateful to him to hear me. I mean, cessation with my husband about it. But it's something that I've thought that whenever I'm reading books, and I'm reading this better, I'm like picking you up. Like, it looks to me. Like she was like cheating, even though it happened years before years before. And they're great stories, but I'm like, how do you and I know this pseudonyms, and that's sort of like an easy way around it. But I'm like, I don't know, we have lives, right? We have stories, but I'm just like how? Yeah, I was. So I always, I never ever asked

33: 00

33: an author. And maybe I hadn't even talked to an erotic officer. There you go. I mean, I think I think even if I was to read partner in the future, I can't really imagine now that I would ever be with someone with who were trying, you know, NCU interfere with what I was writing. And I'd like to think that whoever I was with was, you know, quiet. Um,

33: 24

33: I guess, I guess from the male perspective, they have to be very confident in in themselves to be able to sit with all of those uncomfortable feelings. I'd like to I just don't think now, I could ever go back having had that freedom of expression to then be silenced in any way. I couldn't. I don't think I could go back. But I mean, definitely, when I was writing the shift, they were conversations that we had, and I would have been very influenced, you know, how do you take an issue with it? Just Fortunately, he didn't. But I suppose it depends on every couple the dynamics of their relationship. Everyone has a different some people share their past with their partners, other people prefer to not talk about what happened in the past. I think it just comes down to personality and,

34: 09

34: and how the dynamics of the relationship have been set up. But who knows, your husband might surprise you, you might say go for it. I look Canadians use, you know, like, have content and I guess it's just I guess it's just a conversation. But I mean, I've asked him if he wants to, if he's okay with us being an influence of family, and you know, he's all over my socials and he's kind of like, money and you get to do all these fancy things, then go.

34: 35

34: It's gonna make money.

34: 37

34: Whatever you want.

34: 40

34: Yeah.

34: 42

34: Well, I look forward to your future books then. Okay. Yeah, yes. But you do. I was I was slightly confused. I had to, and then you explain it. So I was like, flipping back and forth for a little bit when I first got your book because I was like, Dana, but it's a book about

35: 00

35: Hello life, but the back says grace. I know just to confuse everyone, right? So.

35: 07

35: And yeah, it's tricky at the start of the book, there's an author's note. And I basically say, this is my story. It is we all know it is, but I'm just going to refer to myself as Grace throughout. And that journey started for me when I was in my writers group. And it was just something that even if you're writing memoir, and nonfiction, you just always refer to the character, when you're giving feedback, I guess just to make help people detach a bit from from their work, and that more critical feedback, and to just make it a little bit more comfortable. For people. I guess, if you are writing memoir, and nonfiction, it is it all this content that's quite close to, to home. So it makes it just to seem to make it a bit more comfortable for everyone. And then, yeah, I quite liked that. And I thought I would really like to do that in my book. And I don't know if I would have been able to if it was traditionally published, but since I was self publishing, I thought I would would just do it. It's yeah, it was like what? Yeah, you totally explain it. So it's fine. But it was just like, because I met you, and then I'm like,

36: 16

36: what's going on?

36: 19

36: And then open the first page. I'm like, Ah, okay. And it makes sense, because it is very vulnerable stuff. And, and I totally get it, because it's, well, when you're getting feedback, it could be very personal for somebody to go. I mean, I did this recently. It's my speech. And I was like, It's my story. And I'm getting feedback on my speech. And I'm like, but it's my story. And I've been telling it for 15 years, and my coach is like, Yeah, but you're doing you're delivering a speech, and I'm gonna help you make it better.

36: 46

36: You know, and I'm like, but it's my story. It was like we had these little sort of Argy bargy Just kind of writing memoirs. And that's it got a whole other layer to have to it because of what you just said. And, yeah, the first bit of feedback I got, I was not just applying it to my, to my writing, but I was reflecting on my life was going, I actually had a lot of lightbulb moments through feedback, things that people picked up on that I hadn't yet pieced together in myself. So I've not only did I you know, write that book, but I was also having to do some therapy.

37: 26

37: I was having a lot of like, realisations as stuff was being put on the page, and people were also picking stuff up that I hadn't yet realized. were so funny, because I'm reading like, really heavy books that I'm like, you talk about some really heavy themes, Holly's book, she was in prison and drawn in depth, and then it's Holly's hell, Kirsten spoke about a fifth and cancer and grief and death. And

37: 56

37: you know, and also like, when you're writing so vividly, it's very transformative. And then Jess has butchered like my book slot and also keep it, but your book does take, it's taking me back in my memories, because you're going to places that I've been, so I'm going back in my memories. And then I'm writing my speech. And I fully in my speech, I talk about having a panic attack, I had a panic, and I was having a panic attack. Because I think it is it was so vulnerable. It's like, this is my story. This isn't. I've talked on this, I've talked on that I act on about anything like, this is my full journey in

38: 34

38: life, you know, like,

38: 39

38: I don't think anyone would ever understand what it actually took to put that out into the world. And it's been such a spiritual process. It's been so confronting.

38: 52

38: It's, yeah, I don't know if I would write memoir again. So that injustice podcast, I think I'm, I'll move into fiction.

39: 03

39: But yeah, I had to get that story out there. Especially because of the OCD stuff. But my gosh, it has been so terrifying. So, so terrifying. You've got Grace now, so grace can do and go and do what was Grace going there. So like Grace can go and have all the steps. As I alluded to there being a stakeholder in the in the beginning of the book, but um, yeah, we'll see. We'll see. Who knows. I just

39: 33

39: Yeah, I think I could talk to you for about 35 million years and I know that we're gonna stay in touch but

39: 39

39: I just I think I said to Jess, it's such a weird thing to say to somebody that you really just met but I'm, I'm so proud of you.

39: 46

39: And I, I will be going on this journey. So I do know what it takes.

39: 53

39: I don't know what the journey I'm gonna go through. But I just want to say I'm so proud of you and so grateful that

40: 00

40: You're being so honest because you like it's already helping me and you're gonna help other people have absolutely through publishing his book. Thank you. It's so lovely to hear that because, you know, that's why us writers, right? We want to connect with people. So to have that feedback just makes all of the sleepless nights more worth it. And yeah, I'm here for you on your journey if you ever want to contact me and, and you know you're crying from the floor of the bathroom. I get it.

40: 31

40: Yeah, I think we need like, it was like circle and people just do.

40: 36

40: It felt it felt to me, very much like birth, you know, you're a mom as well. And

40: 43

40: there were so many weird little things that happened even towards the end. Like I found myself nesting. I felt like, right before the book came out, I was in I felt like I was in in transition, I genuinely thought I was going to give up. And, you know, I said that on the labor table, too. I was like, I cannot go on. And then it's like, you know, 30 minutes later, it was the baby that but um, and then you can't imagine life before it right. And I've been saying it's about I mean, the day before Finn was born. My son phenol was like shaking that, like he was terrified. Because I was like, Don't you understand our lives in today and tomorrow because I this is area and I knew he was coming the next day. I'm like, today, but I was right. I was so two, almost two acutely aware of, you know, pre pre post baby and pre book. And I said to Matt, I've been saying to him with this book, I'm like, our lives are gonna change. Like, I I know that I know that. And I bought a candle from my friend, which I'm gonna send you down. I'm gonna gift you that

41: 45

41: transformation.

41: 48

41: I asked her she's a psychic as well as having her business Moon school, and she has these beautiful candles. But I said which candle I own on a podcast. I was like, Give me that. Which one? Do you think she said it's transformation. So I've

42: 00

42: got it right now. Thinking like, everyone's just, it's just private conversation. You're all involved, but it's cold transformation.

42: 09

42: And so I'm writing that every time I'm writing. And I'm just gonna jump into writing after we finish. Well, something

42: 17

42: I use a lot of essential oils. But I also really love candles because I love the element of fire. I feel like there's something quite potent about it. When you when you light a fire, I feel like it brings really interesting energy to the space. So I've been I've been trying to light candles a lot when I'm writing as well. So to read, well, you need a ritual, like I funnily enough, needed a new journal, and the journal I got was book journal, like, you know, it is very, like, I just picked this one up, and I was like, it's called a book journal. It's like, the universe is like going, you're ready. And I just said to Matt, I'm like, I life's not going to change the way I work is going to change the type of work I'll be doing the What will you know, the circles I'm moving in is already changing because I'm being drawn into to my authors and to my writers, and I'm looking at next year or these writers festivals, and I'm like, my, my calendar is going to be filled up with wanting to be around other writers. And so um, yeah, it is that nesting and preparing that that we are entering.

43: 20

43: It's the shift

43: 23

43: is happening.

43: 26

43: Thank you so much. So where can we buy your book? Yeah, so I my book is sold on Amazon. It's also on Ingram sparks for Ingram Spark for bookstores and libraries. But yeah, it's on Amazon. So you can buy that all around the world.

43: 44

43: I'll put the link in the show notes. And then you don't have a website yet. It's coming. I know that it's coming. That's right. Um, it will be coming. But yeah, I'm on Instagram at writer Dana de Silva. And I'm quite active on there. So feel free to reach out to me if you're listening and you want to say hi.

44: 03

44: Thank you so much. It's really inspiring. I'm glad we've connected at this time and I'm very excited to be in Dublin with you and congrats. I can't I'm halfway through. I'm loving reading it. I said I was going to start audio listening but I'm really enjoying reading it, though and holding your physical books. So I'm going to keep reading. Thank you for reading my book and thank you for having me on your podcast. Thank you and congrats again. Thank you so much all the best with your journey.

44: 35

44: Thank you for listening lovely one. I hope this has inspired you to dream big and start creating a life you love today. If you love what you're hearing, don't forget to follow and rate on Spotify and rate review and subscribe on iTunes. It helps other awesome people to find this podcast and get motivated and inspired as well. Want to stay connected. Come and join the live a life you love group on

45: 00

45: On Facebook, or connect with me on Instagram, Emma lovell.au, the same as my website, but all the details are in the show notes lovely. I'll see you next episode for more inspiration, motivation and freedom seeking Now go out there and live a life you love