Transforming Intimacy with Chloe Mascord

#74 - Chrloe Sex ED (EDITED

Fri, Jun 28, 2024 7:03AM • 29:31

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

love, sex, life, talk, business, conversation, intimacy, pleasure, people, experience, share, body, chloe, emma, relationship, partner, low libido, turned, opportunity, prudish

00:01

Do you want to live a life of freedom and adventure? Are you wanting more than the daily grind? Me too. Welcome to the Emma level show, a place where we talk about living a life you love now, I'm your host Emma level, and my number one value is freedom. I've spent the last 14 years running a business and traveling the world. And now I take my husband and toddler along for the adventure to it's possible and I know you can create a life doing what you truly love as well. This podcast will inspire, motivate and encourage you to go after your dreams to create a life you love until you get now don't wait for a time and or someday in the future. I'll be sharing episodes weekly about how I harmonize business travel and self care. I'll also bring on incredible guests to share their journeys, wins the challenges and how they're creating a life they love. Let's jump in and get dreaming. This is a space for you to manifest a life you love.

01:03

I would like to acknowledge and recognize Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the first peoples of this place now known as Australia. I am grateful for the continuing care of the land waterways and skies where I work live. Listen, learn and play. From here on you can bear country and from wherever you are listening. I pay my respects to the elders past and present.

01:25

Welcome to today's episode, I'm so excited to introduce you to Chloe mascotte and intimacy and sex coach as well as speaker. I met Chloe through business chicks member meetups, and I just love this topic and I love how open she is and how open she is about this, you know, taboo subject, but we can talk about these things. And here on this podcast, I love going where people don't want to go. So Chloe is your trusted guide into the intimate world of self discovery, sex curiosity and connection. As a sex and intimacy coach and speaker she helps individuals and couples to unlock their secrets to deeper relationships, more satisfying intimacy, and a renewed sense of self love. Chloe invites you to explore the realms of desires, break down taboos and embrace your true sensual self. With no topic off limits. Imagine a blend of supportive friend and a knowledgeable expert Chloe is here to transform your intimate life simply in ways you never thought possible. Please enjoy this conversation with gorgeous, Chloe mascotte

02:35

welcome to the podcast. sinusoid Hello, thank you so much for having me.

02:41

Thank you. Now I'm gonna jump right in. I'm at you on a business chicks member made up call which I host and you came on. And I probably just like little school girl had sex. I was like, what?

02:55

That's not just your time, but please tell us who you are. But I was just so excited to have open conversations and touch on some juicy and taboo topics with you. Yeah, absolutely. So I'm a sex and intimacy coach and speaker. And I help individuals and couples unlock deeper relationships and more satisfying intimacy, as well as that renewed sense of self love. So for me, it's really important that I make people feel safe in the space of talking about sex and intimacy, because I understand it can be considered a really taboo topic, like you just mentioned.

03:36

And you do because they're probably going to fly. He was doing a live and I just turned it into like a chat with someone else. But it was fun. It was fun to talk about it and probably from behind the screen. But I just want to give you an actually gifted a vibrator by a fabulous company called Oh my. And I have a jumper from them as well. And I was like, This is so cool. And I want to promote them. But I can't talk about being gifted a vibrator. Like I can't talk about vibrators and in public, I was like, gosh, I'm a prude.

04:12

No, that's just what most people feel and think I think it's becoming a lot more normalized to talk about sex and intimacy and pleasure, which is great in particular for women because our pleasure is equally as important as men. And I think for so long. Sex was a lot more focused on men enjoying it rather than women and I love that we're all leaning into our own pleasure and and how sex can be enjoyable for us as well more and more these days.

04:44

And maybe I'm, you know, lucky in that respect, because that's never been my experience. Like I can see why it could be like that. But me fortunately we have partners who are maybe demanded, but had partners who are generous and

05:00

It is about the two of us. And it's equally as attractive to, you know, see your partner and pleasure as it is in you. But it's, um, it's really great to be talking to you at this time, and probably some of my listeners, I mean, it can happen at any time, but I have a three and a half year old. And I think I really noticed it was a new that happened, but I sort of like I think it happens to other people. And I definitely had the higher sex drive. And then since having my son that's swapped, and I think it's been a shock to my husband, like you left it on the table so long. I'm sorry. But now, it's very much on my terms. And it's been a journey rediscovering it. And so it's been really nice. And, you know, I had actually almost booked a session with someone to talk about this. And I didn't feel like I could talk about it to my normal psychologist. Because it's just it is quite specific area. And we've talked about so many other things, and she kind of knows of my husband, to intimate, then I have a kinesiologist that just didn't again, didn't feel like maybe the right place. And I was like, I think I need to find someone who deals with this specifically because you can have that conversation.

06:11

Yeah, well, you know, that it's somebody who understands, in particular, this topic and this subject. And I think, you know, even now, there's a lot of people that don't really know that this space exists, where there are people who are sex therapists or intimacy coaches, or sex coaches that can support people with normal, or let's not say normal, common challenges, in particular, around sex drive arousal and libido. And that's something that so many people experience at different times in their life, in particular, post childbirth. Sometimes, you know, with some friends and clients that I've had, it takes well over a year or so for that to come back because of hormonal changes. But I think that the point I love to reiterate to as many people as I can, is that there are so many ways to reestablish that within ourselves. And it's not necessarily changing our hormones or getting support medically for these fluctuations in our levels. There's, it's a lot more simple than we think. And sometimes the stories that we've grown up with or things that have been laying dormant within ourselves for so long, come to the surface through big life changes, like having kids or perimenopause or menopause. And the way we approach sex and what we want from intimacy changes, like I think, how we were in our 20s, and how we showed up, you know, I also in my 20s, and you know, 30s, have had a really high sex drive, it was quite confronting them going to a place of having low libido and acknowledging that, you know, maybe I was more of a visual person that would be turned on more in a spontaneous way. And now I need communication now I need learning now I need a build up. Now I need, you know, my partner to contribute around the house in order for me to be turned on, you know,

08:14

oh, my God, it is. So I haven't been to school, when you can have a conversation but access to my house, I'd say like, You should have said this thing that is so unattractive. Like, I was sitting here thinking, I would like to go to bed with you. And then he said this thing, which was I just think it'd be maybe judgmental or something like that. It was just sort of a comment. We're watching your show and just sort of judgmental or, like, against my values and quite harsh and I was like, do you understand that that kind of comment is a turn off? Like,

08:46

instantly, and either

08:50

aggressiveness or or harshness, that's the turn off, you know, so, you know, maybe they say his real thoughts or whatever. But you know, that's a problem for me. And then other times, yeah, like, I still haven't forgotten what happened this morning. Like, were you? I don't know, disregarded, that I care about the kitchen being tidy. Like that's still in May. I can't just turn that off. But they can just separate, right? I mean, there's generalization but I know that he can kind of go sexy sex and that conversation with that conversation. Absolutely. I'd love to share my experience with low libido where that came from. So

09:30

my experience with low libido I worked out it was stemming from unresolved conflict in the relationship. So it was compiled situations that this is with an ex partner of mine, where there was a lot of things that were sitting unresolved and I was unable to

09:51

turn on and activate and connect to that part of my sexual self. While there was all of the

10:00

feelings that were triggering walls up. And were not allowing me to really step into my pleasure because we hadn't got to that point of resolution. And I went on this as we do as women, we blame ourselves we try to fix, we want to, you know, what do I do, there must be something right, go to the hormone specialist, you know, do all the tests, what's wrong with my body, and I started to create this disconnect even more so than I was already experiencing from my body where it was almost like I was angry at my body for shutting that part down. And in hindsight, that was actually perpetuating the problem. And so what I love to do is to actually get to the root of where this switch has been turned off, and why the switch has been turned off. And then once we understand that, then we understand what we've then gone and done as a result of experiencing something that doesn't feel right in the body. So yeah, for me, it was, I was working as a sex coach at the time, very confronting, you know, I'm sitting there all day talking about, you know, how to increase your libido. And I'm like, What the hell is going on.

11:15

But my body was also sending me a message. And my message wasn't just you need to communicate and resolve the conflict. But my body was telling me that this in this situation, that was a wrong person, I wasn't feeling safe in that relationship, because this man was not creating a beautiful space for me to feel safe in this relationship. And in my situation, the best possible outcome for me was to exit that relationship. And sometimes that is the case, when we start to dig a little deeper and uncover situations, most of the time. It's not, but it can be. And now, even though it was very difficult to exit and engagement, and, you know, marriage around the corner, and all of those things, my body knows, and my body was sending me a message. And I'm so grateful that it did. And now if that was to ever happen, again, where my libido started to shut down,

12:12

I now have the skill set to be able to acknowledge, okay, what is the message that my body is actually sending me?

12:21

Thank you for sharing that. I didn't realize, yeah, I didn't know if you've been the sex coach for so long. I thought it was one of the one after that.

12:29

That's such an important message, though, I think, especially for younger women. And if you go back and talk to your younger self, I think listening, the times where we push through, and I love for these conversations about consent, but also, you know, sometimes waiting a little longer because you don't, you couldn't read those messages. And it's definitely times I look back on situations that I didn't probably want to be in. Nobody wants to help me, but you push through. And so it's interesting that even as a, as an adult, the older age is still finding yourself. But it shouldn't be like this, and I shouldn't be able to do that. And this is what it's meant to look like, and other people are doing this.

13:08

Absolutely. And you know what, now I'm actually in a beautiful relationship now. But there's not to say that fear doesn't come up. But the fear that comes up for me now, and where my body starts to go, Ah, I'm not safe. It's something that needs to be resolved within me, it's an opportunity for me to grow. It's, you know, I'm not used to, you know, this man being so optimistic and positive and like a golden retriever that comes in bouncing in and, you know, gives me all the affection, I'm not used to that. So, you know, my body is like, hang on this is this is different, what's going on here.

13:49

And so it's the awareness that we can have around our body in particular, as women, you know, around our cycles, and what's going on with the fluctuations that we experienced naturally, when we really understand ourselves, we can go, Oh, interesting, you know, and it creates this beautiful love and connection we have for ourselves and your wisdom that we that we can then talk about without out friends and normalized conversations around things that come up for us. Yeah, and I love that I loved you know, we happen to have on one call, you know, to sex and intimacy coaches, were just like, hey, cool. But yeah, I actually was at a retreat, a business retreat, and yeah, we'd had a few drinks and we're all hanging out in one of the rooms and I don't know how it came up. But things started off in a joking way. And then we ended up having this really deep engaged conversation like six to seven women about sexuality and about do experiences and where libido had been at and relationships and

14:57

you know, it was really interesting to have

15:00

Uh, but also like, if someone said, it doesn't matter, like, it doesn't matter, we just don't have sex anymore. It doesn't matter. And I was like,

15:06

I don't know, it's like, that's such a huge part like I can if you don't have sex with someone, but it's like, are you having your own life? Are you getting your own run? Like, because for me, to me, it's a release. And I do think it's like, well what six got to do with business or what six got to do with that or it's text got to do like, it's put into the bedroom, and it's like an in little box and private. But I think that energy around it, I was like, That absolutely affects the business. And absolutely, is impacting how you show up. And I was like, you know, just observing, but it was like, I think privately, I didn't talk to that person saying, I think it is connected, and it's something to pursue because it could be blocking you in other ways. And I know that it definitely. I can notice that for myself. And I loved having that conversation with my business colleagues. Absolutely. I think there's a few things I'd love to touch on just around what you've just shared. And I think one of the interesting things is that a lot of people feel more safe to have conversations with strangers than their closest friends. And sometimes when it comes to these things, which is interesting, not sure exactly why that might be. But another thing which you I think you kind of raised with this person that had shared with you that they maybe weren't interested in sex is, is it that you don't like having sex? Or is it that you don't like having the sex that you're currently having. And I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to still enjoy sex the same way we did when we were younger. And we touched on it a little bit just before, but what often will happen in particular, you know, around this age of, you know, having kids or even not having kids, but like late 30s, early 40s, our preferences start to change, we evolved as human beings, and so do what we want and what fulfills us and what creates connection in us. And so what used to activate our libido and activate our arousal shifts. And so it's this opportunity to go on a new discovery of ourselves and through the vessel of self pleasure and through the opportunity to spend time alone and finding out as a new way of discovering and in a positive way. What is it that I actually enjoy what actually feels good in my body? What do I What lights me up, and then bringing that back to the relationship, and then trying new things and being a little bit curious with your partner.

17:39

I lovely, I truly believe it's your time to shine. To build your business, you need to know the right steps to take at the right time. And I know it can feel so overwhelming trying to figure out what to do next, when there's so many things to do. That's why I offer the Hour of Power. It's one hour where we get clear actions that you can take start building your business today. You can use this session to get advice for new content, build strategies, or work through mindset books, we could simply talk about what you want to do next, what you want to attract into your life, and how you could actually bring more travel and enjoyment into your life. It's whatever you need, this is your time. And I'm here to back you every step of the way. So let's hit you up to massive success. Check it out the Hour of Power. You can find it on my website, Mr. level.au, forward slash work with me. Check out the show notes. And if you're interested at all, please do contact me. You can also get me at Emma. Emma level.au. Now back to the episode.

18:41

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And it was I just sort of smiling to myself as you were talking because I remembered I was reading a book the other day by business mentor, and listening sorry audible in the car and I snot laughed out loud because she was talking about rewards and how to motivate yourself in business. And like, yes, you can go and buy a new outfit or, you know, you can buy that thing for your business. Or maybe it's going out for dinner. But she gets to me, if I finish my work early on time, then I can have a quickie with my husband in the afternoon and afternoon delight and I was like

19:15

this book and I loved it. It

19:19

was so cool that it was like she's sharing how her business and her life and just like I use sex as a motivator to get

19:26

absolutely, absolutely I love that you go from having it as an item on the to do list to having that as a reward. That's you know, that's ultimately what I'm trying to help my clients with is to go from from that it it being perceived as being something we just have to do to something that it's like this is a great opportunity to have pleasure in ourselves but also the impact that that then has back on the business is tenfold it. It sparks creativity in our brain in our

20:00

opens up these opportunities for new ideas. There's been many studies done on it. And I wish I had some

20:08

data now to share with you. And I'm sure I'll get some, and I'll send it. People shouldn't follow you. And they'll get lots of Absolutely, yeah. So there's definitely benefit in business and outside of the bedroom and outside of the relationships, from having intimacy, and in really deeply enjoyable sex with your partner.

20:33

And yourself, because there have been people who are listening and going, well, I don't have a partner. So yeah, it's like, no, like,

20:43

I actually ended up me and my friend actually ended up gifting somebody, the first ever vibrator. And I was like, what my friend like, amazing, like, and we were like, you know, enjoy yourself, because that's just, that was something that I had to learn. It was something important. And it was somebody who's writing an article.

21:02

And I did end up sharing anonymously, which is now not anonymous, but anywho, about the afternoon delight, but a self afternoon delight. So if my husband is not always around, it's like, well, if I, you know, you have your mid afternoon coffee. I was like, Well, I haven't mid afternoon.

21:19

It's lunchtime. Absolutely. You know, yet. So energy up again. And it was like, I think you don't have to be shut off to that because you're single and rely on somebody else coming in. And almost one of my girlfriends has never had a long term relationship. And it's like, you have to do that stuff and know what you want. First, before you ask somebody else to come in and do that. Yeah, I agree with you completely. Yeah, we have to, we have to own our own pleasure first. And even your with clients that are single or in a relationship, I always start it has to start with self, it has to start with understanding ourselves on that deeper level. And you know what, a lot of the time, we can actually achieve the type of pleasure that lights us up on our own, you know, we don't have to have a partner there for us to experience these amazing benefits from sexual experiences. There doesn't have to be somebody else there, we can do it on our own. And we can have some amazing opportunities for pleasure with just that that individual experience as well. And I also strongly suggest that even people in relationships, do that, that have their own experiences alone anyway, regardless of whether or not they're attached or not. Yeah, misconception too, right? It's not either or it's an end. Yes, you know, it's, you can have both and both of those different experiences and important. And that was something I think with age I've learned, and then shows like sex education was brilliant, because it showed these young people exploring that in knowing themselves and getting help with these things, as teens were most of us. Yeah, you know, probably not having these conversations until Yeah, you are having a crisis much later in life, and then exploring that, and it's some Wow, how empowered and wonderful that you know, they're learning and understanding in safe ways. I thought that show was groundbreaking. Yeah, I agree with you completely. I think it's really interesting. This is something that I was quite taken aback by.

23:32

You're in my journey as a professional. And I recently I collaborated with a journalist in body and soul on the orgasm quota, that we have limited orgasms or limited ability to experience pleasure. For example, I would have clients come to me that were struggling with low libido. And they would say, Well, I hardly want to have sex. So I don't want to use up that little bit of desire for sex to have self pleasure. And I was like, Okay, interesting. Here's an exercise for you to try. self pleasure. See what happens. And what would happen every single time is it would actually activate. So your arousal and libido, it would start to increase it naturally, because you're experiencing it. It's like when you don't have sex for a long time, you don't really have much desire for it. But as soon as you start to incorporate more sexual experiences in your life, it, it builds it, it's lack of a snowball effect. So that's something really interesting to try. I think sometimes we we think that it has to be one or the other, but it should and it can be both. Too much is never enough.

24:52

More is more, that's great.

24:56

Slightly and just ask you, you know, we think

25:00

I focused on the topic today. But in this so much, I could talk to you for a long time and open the doors. But

25:09

what does you know you've gone through this, your own experience with this, but what does you run a business and having your own life? What does living love you a life you love look like now? Yeah.

25:24

Living a life that I love is all about a daily discovery of what actually brings me pleasure and that is both inside and outside the bedroom. So it's it's finding opportunities to experience those little moments and sparks of joy that make me feel alive or like, give me goosebumps.

25:43

And I think curiosity plays a huge part in bringing that love into my life. Like if I am starting my day with curiosity, and opening my mind to explore new ways to connect with my partner, or, or find learn or grow.

26:04

It's a really beautiful way for me to create freshness in my life and, and feel like every day is just slightly different from the previous and for me, I really enjoy having unique experiences each day, even if it's just the littlest thing, I think it's an opportunity to discover something that might bring me pleasure that I never really expected. Yeah, I love how you're using the word pleasure quite broadly as well and that it's okay, and it's safe to want into seek pleasure in many aspects of your life. And now one more question before I get you there, share your socials and we'll have them on the show notes as well. Because club is fantastic to follow. And do people like me just once they say that your specialist or sex coach start opening up to you all the time? Yeah, I feel like it's, it's it was an interesting thing, because I really got quite nervous in the beginning of my career about whether or not

27:08

people would be open and receptive to it. But so many more people leaned in and were like, Oh, tell me more. I want to learn, I want to know more than what I ever expected. And so I love a conversation about it. And I'm always inviting people to reach out to me and talk about all sorts of things. That yeah, it's it's really cool. It's how I know that it's my passion because I never get sick of talking about it.

27:32

But I love it. I've really enjoyed getting to know you and even

27:36

your said to that, you know, it's inspired us and

27:41

we didn't get time to touch on it. But we like watching this show called Naked attraction and it's just opening a conversation and helping me my partner and

27:50

but I just Yeah, I just love the openness and challenging, I guess my own prudish, or, or I don't know, trained way. So

28:02

I'm really enjoying that openness. I think it's really important.

28:06

agreed and I love that you corrected yourself instead of prudish because you're definitely not prudish. It's just a societal belief that has been ingrained. So I'm glad that you do change that up.

28:18

I love it. Now we're gonna put all your links in the show notes. Where can we find you online? So Instagram is the best bet at the honey ED dot official. Jump into my DMs. Let me know what you want me to talk about. share a story with me ask for some guidance. I'd be more than happy to support it in any way I can. I love it. Thank you for today. Sorry.

28:41

How was that more conversations with you? Amazing. Thank you, Emma.

28:45

Thank you for listening. Lovely one. I hope this has inspired you to dream big and start creating a life you love today. If you love what you're hearing, don't forget to follow and rate on Spotify and rate review and subscribe on iTunes. It helps other awesome people to find this podcast and get motivated and inspired as well. Want to stay connected? Come and join the live a life you love group on Facebook or connect with me on Instagram. Emma level.au, the same as my website. But all the details are in the show notes lovely. I'll see you next episode for more inspiration, motivation and freedom seeking Now go out there and live a life you love